Bigwigs pull the plug on noisy celeb’s campaign

Seems Bodacious Celebrity is hell-bent on milking every ounce of notoriety from a dubious venture.

Wily Bigwigs sensed BC’s nefarious plan to upstage everyone, including major stars, and swiftly pulled the plug on the scheme. They instructed underlings to downplay BC’s existence and hype the true luminaries, instead.

Of course, BC found a way around the ban. Ever creative and combustible, BC started several small-time skirmishes—just to hog the spotlight, which should be diverted to other more pressing issues.

No-talent fee

Look who’s back with a vengeance. Just when everyone thought Raucous Wrangler was a has-been, the controversial personality managed to bounce back in high style.

RW, who had lost millions in ill-advised forays into doomed ventures, was able to recover a bit.

RW reportedly charges an exorbitant amount (in the eight figures!) for something that any newbie can accomplish.

In sum, RW’s tasks don’t require much effort and brain power—and yet, it can cost clueless cohorts an arm and a leg. Can you still call it a talent fee even if it doesn’t require much talent?

Fiery, fussy

All sorts of worrisome rumors have been swirling about Fiery Gadfly. Perhaps believing the idle chatter, Feckless Colleague made the moves on FG, who was shocked and dumbfounded.

Turned out FG wasn’t the type who would tolerate such a serious crime. FG made a huge fuss, and rightly so. FC had to bow out in disgrace.

Unfortunately, FG was ostracized by some peers, who inexplicably sided with FC.

Young and restless

Who knew Ostentatious Eccentric and Rakish Dandy were once a couple? OE had romanced a number of hunks back in the day, but RD turned out to be the most elusive one.

RD was quite a looker then, and OE was just as scintillating. Alas, they were not meant to end up together.

Now that they are grizzled and gray, they can only look back on the good ole days, when they were young and restless, with fondness.

Shopaholic stud

From the Inquirer tabloid Bandera:

Kibitzers are chatting about the past affairs of Yummy Jock with flamboyant and flaming benefactors.

According to the grapevine, Kinetic Artist was one of the many wealthy sponsors that supported YJ in the early days.

YJ kept badgering KA to buy expensive stuff every so often. KA soon got tired of being YJ’s personal shopper.

YJ has since moved on to other victims—both the gay and gaudy varieties.

TOP OF THE TABLOIDS

This week’s top show biz news in the Inquirer tabloid Bandera (and why we are moved, if we are moved):

Maine Mendoza

Maine Mendoza nag-iisang Pinay na pumasok sa Final 5 ng “Asian Sweethearts” survey! (Go gurl!)

Alden Richards at Maine pinagbawalan uling mag-usap sa “Eat Bulaga?” (But why?)

Julia Barretto

Joshua Garcia at Julia Barretto walang dapat ikahiya sa PDA (public display of affection). (Sings: Bakit ako mahihiya?)

Joshua hiyang-hiya kapag
ikinukumpara kay John Lloyd Cruz. (Speaking of hiya.)

Zaijian Jaranilla wala pang GF: “Ayoko po kasi ng stress!” (Smart kid.)

Aiko Melendez on Marian Rivera: “Winner siya; napakatotoo!” (OK.)

Erich Gonzales

Erich Gonzales apat na beses nagbuwis buhay sa “We Will Not Die Tonight.” (Fine.)

Jodi Sta. Maria at Gabby Concepcion bida sa pelikulang “Gulong ng Palad.” (Whatever.)

LizQuen “hiwalay” muna pagkatapos ng “Bagani.” (Ho-hum.)

Tanggap ba ni Dingdong Dantes ang sorry, paliwanag ng ABS-CBN? (Moving on.)

Bela Padilla, JC Santos nag-level up sa “The Day After Valentine’s.” (Define level up.)

Pilita Corrales bibili ng mansion worth P100M? (Bongga ka day!)

Kris Bernal: Grabe ang tiniis ko bago ako nagkabahay at negosyo! (Never give up!)