Triumphs and sexbacks, unanimouse and other boob-tube booboos

unanimouse illustration by steph bravo

Have a “laugh out loud” New Year and a fun-filled 2016, dear readers! This compilation of TV boners and groaners is our special buena mano treat for you!

Host: Your political career has had some problems this year. Why?

Guest: Oh, that’s the life of any politician. Sometimes you have triumphs, sometimes you have sexbacks—oops!

(Like, right now, huh?)

* * *

Host: How did the judging in your contest go? Was the winner a popular choice?

Guest: Oh, yes, it was unanimouse!

(All the mice were happy, huh?)

* * *

Host: How do you manage to survive and succeed in your very tough and  competitive field—what’s the secret?

Guest: The secret is easy. You just have to kick your eyes open.

(That isn’t easy, that’s painful!)

* * *

Host: What is your advice to parents to keep their children safe and healthy?

Guest: Because of the more dangerous times now, mga parents diyan, ang mga anak n’yong maliit—huwag n’yo masyadong pabayaan!

(Pabayaan ng konti, OK lang?)

* * *

Host: How did you feel when you won the award? Share the moment with us naman.

Guest: Oh, I was so humbly proud and grateful!

(Isn’t that a contradiction?)

* * *

Host: How did the operation of your brother go?

Guest: Salamat naman, naging successful ang cataract!

(No comment.)

* * *

Host: Do you still go home to your province to visit your relatives?

Guest: Yes, every now again.

(Ah, it’s every now and then?)

* * *

Host: Do you advise our viewers to invest in stocks this year?

Guest: Yes, but just a few to start with—if you are not selective, you may not be able to recuperate your investment.

(—And then, you’d have to go to the hospital to—recover?)

* * *

Host: How good were your company’s profits last year?

Guest: Oh, wonderful—

better than expecter!

(Uh, please pass the expectorant…?)

* * *

Host: Did you have a difficult childhood?

Guest: Yes, I ran away from home.

Host: Oh? What was the problem?

Guest: I had a family.

Host: Huh? —But you were still a child, how could you have a family already?

Guest: No, I had a family problem.

(Grrr!)