Rachel Alejandro says caring for aging parents is no obligation

Rachel Alejandro (right) with dad Hajji —HAJJI ALEJANDRO/ INSTAGRAM

You think of it as love, because you were shown love,” said singer-actress Rachel Alejandro when asked to share her thoughts about the recent cultural discourse on the responsibility of children to take care of their aging parents.

Rachel is the daughter of Hajji Alejandro, who was a major pop icon in the ’70s and ’80s. The two have remained close and would even perform together in concerts in the Philippines and abroad.

“I don’t consider it utang na loob (debt of gratitude). I don’t feel like it’s my obligation to take care of my parents now that they’re older just because they raised me and paid for my education. This is not so different from your relationship to your husband or wife. In marriage, you signed a contract and made your vows to be with each other no matter what. To me, these are just promises, and you have a choice not to keep them. However, if you decide to keep them, it’s because of love. You are shown love, and so you love back,” she told Inquirer Entertainment.

“Personally, I cannot imagine myself neglecting them. It would never even cross my mind, and that’s how we are different from other nationalities,” Rachel continued. “Let me tell you something sad. I’ve come across a lot of Filipino caregivers who work in homes in Canada and the United States. They said they end up being the families of their patients. Before leaving their elders to facilities, non-Pinoys would say, ‘I love you so much, Mom. I’ll see you soon.’ But most of them don’t come back anymore. If they get contacted because there’s a problem or an issue concerning their parents, they would even get angry and say, ‘Don’t call me!’

Family-oriented

She continued: “Sad stories like these make me feel as if my heart is getting pulled out of my chest. I think it’s all because of our culture as Filipinos. I don’t think of it as utang na loob, but as love. If your parents did not show you love, I don’t think you will care about them so much, as well,” she pointed out.

Rachel said that luckily, she doesn’t have to spend so much for her parents. “Yes, I try to treat them to dinner, but they always seem to have more money than I do. My dad is very good with handling his finances. He’s my idol when it comes to saving money. My mom is very responsible financially, as well. She prefers giving money to her children rather than the other way around,” she said.

Meanwhile, Hajji describes his eldest daughter as “generous and thoughtful. Compared to all of my children, Rachel is the most family-oriented. That’s why it was hard for all of us when she’s away for a long time. We’re not used to not having her around. If there’s a family occasion or there’s a long weekend coming up, she would take it upon herself to ask everyone if they would be free for a staycation.”

For adult children

Rachel is currently based in New York, where her Spanish journalist husband is working.

Hajji agreed with what Rachel said about why Filipino children exert so much effort to make sure their parents live comfortably. “I was like that to my mother, although our situation was kind of different. My father died at 45, and so the task of taking care of my mom was left to me. I had to be the family breadwinner. To this day, I’m still the one providing for my 91-year-old mom, Hajii said.

He had this to say about parents feeling obligated to still provide for their adult children. “What parents are obligated to do is to equip their children in order for them to survive life on their own. After they’ve sent their kids to good schools, provided for their needs, and guided them through life with pieces of advice, parents don’t need to keep working, let’s say, to be able to give them inheritance later on,” he insisted.

“I make sure to enjoy whatever I have now because my children are already supposed to be making it on their own. It goes without saying that whatever I have now will eventually end up with them, anyway. But at least, I was able to enjoy myself in my twilight years, at the same time confident in the fact that my children are okay,” Hajji said.