(From left) Toni Gonzaga, Alex Gonzaga. Image: Instagram/@cathygonzaga
Despite having a close relationship with her sister Toni Gonzaga, Alex Gonzaga revealed that she initially felt insecure about being compared to her Ate.
Alex opened up about feeling inferior to Toni during their childhood and recalled how it used to affect her self-confidence in the “Ano na Catherine? by Alex Gonzaga” podcast on Wednesday, Jan. 4.
“All my life, I’ve been compared to my sister. Biro mo, four years old pa lang, kumakanta na siya, lagi na siyang panalo. So, kahit sabihin ko na ‘di ko siya dinidibdib, na-realize ko na meron pala siyang impact sa’kin. At the back of my head, it’s a thing pala na nako-kompara ako sa kapatid ko. May effect pala siya sa’kin,” she added.
(All my life, I’ve been compared to my sister. Imagine, my sister has been singing and winning [competitions] at four years old. So, even if I insist that it doesn’t affect me, I realized that it had an impact on me [when I was growing up]. At the back of my head, it’s a thing to be compared to my older sister. It actually had an effect on me.)
Alex recalled that she used to cover up the fact that she didn’t like being compared to Toni, saying that it gave an impression of being too arrogant.
“May mga times na kapag pumapasok ako sa lugar na alam kong walang papansin o kakausap sa’kin, or hahanapin ang Ate ko, inaano ko na wala akong pakialam,” she said. “Pero because [I’m] covering na ayoko na maisip nila na nagma-matter sa akin ‘yung pag-kompara sa’kin ng kapatid ko, kaya nagmumukhang mayabang ako.”
(There are moments when I enter a place where no one notices or talks to me, or people are just looking for my sister, I act like it doesn’t bother me. But since I’m covering up the fact that being compared to my sister hurts me, I appear arrogant in the eyes of other people.)
Alex also admitted that it took time to process her emotions.
“There was a time in my life when I was feeling down because I didn’t have a love life and career. Tapos parang feeling ko, I’m not as special as my sister in my family. Sobra kong lungkot that I had to look for a love life to compensate ‘yung doubts ko sa sarili ko… I felt that I was really alone in my journey,” she added.
(There was a time in my life when I was feeling down because I didn’t have a love life and career. Then, I felt that I’m not as special as my sister in my family. I was so sad that I had to look for a love life to compensate my self-doubt. I felt that I was really alone in my journey.)
The actress-host then thanked her friends and mother, Pinty Gonzaga, for not tolerating her self-doubt when she was growing up. Alex added that she was able to regain her self-confidence through the grace of God.
“Kapag kakausapin ko ‘yung friends… at Mommy ko, sasabihin na ‘Tama naman sila. Ubos ang puso ko.’ It made me into a better person kasi hindi naman nila ako tino-tolerate. There’s a time na parang mino-mold ka ng Panginoon at ng buhay to become the better version of yourself… ngayon, pag naglo-look back na ako, grabe ang lungkot ko pala n’un,” she said.
(When my friends and Mother tell me that my heart is empty, it makes me into a better person because they don’t tolerate what I’m feeling. There’s a time [in your life] that the Lord is molding you to become the better version of yourself. Now, when I look back, I realized that I was very lonely at that time.)
Alex recently expressed her support for Toni who is set to hold her 20th anniversary concert on Jan. 20. The latter was included in the cast of the Metro Manila Film Festival (MMFF) film entry “My Teacher,” alongside Joey de Leon, Ronnie Alonte, and Loisa Andalio. — JMS