Ruffa Gutierrez sets 2 conditions before allowing daughter to study abroad

Ruffa Gutierrez (center) with daughters Venice (left) and Lorin

“I’m the sole provider of my daughters. I raised them alone so only I make the decisions. Since their father had no contribution in raising them, I don’t need to inform him of what happens to the girls.”

Thus said actress Ruffa Gutierrez when show biz scribes recently asked to be updated on the status of her relationship with ex-husband Yilmaz Bektas, the father of her daughters Lorin, 17, and Venice, 16.

“I’m always emotional when it comes to my kids, especially since Lorin told me she has plans to study abroad next year. I’m already experiencing separation anxiety as early as now,” Ruffa said during a recent virtual meet. “I can’t believe time flies so fast. Now she and Venice are teenagers and are trying to find their own identities, too.”

Ruffa said she had imposed several conditions on Lorin before allowing her to leave. “First, she should study self-defense, like taekwondo, boxing, or krav maga. Second, she should attend a Bible study. This is so that when she gets there, her values are intact. She’d know how to say no to people who would try to do things to her that she doesn’t like,” the mom said.

As to what her plans are when Lorin—and eventually Venice—leaves to study abroad, Ruffa said: “I don’t know yet what I’ll do. I will cross the bridge when I get there. Right now, even if I have dogs, theirs is a poor replacement for the love of my children. But Lorin did say, ‘Don’t give away my room yet. I will come back.’”

When reporters prodded her some more to talk about her Turkish businessman ex-beau, she said: “If he wants to donate some kind of time and effort, or financial support, he is welcome to do so. I should also say, ‘thank you for your sperm.’ That’s all he has ever donated!”

To be fair to Yilmaz, Ruffa said he would call the girls, sometimes. “But when he communicates, we only end up not being in good terms. The issue is that he will always promise to come and visit the girls but he won’t push through with it,” the actress explained. “He wants us to visit Turkey, but I said I don’t think it’s the right time. They’re not yet of legal age. We can always meet him in the United States or here in the Philippines.”

Yilmaz’s last visit to the country was in 2008, Ruffa added.

The actress, however, said their daughters are “old enough to understand that their parents have a unique setup. Yes, they live far from their father, but that doesn’t make them any less of the beautiful persons they are,” she pointed out.

“There are other families with a similar setup but the kids come out thriving, and they grow up well-educated and with moral values. That’s why I always tell the girls, ‘Whatever pain you’re feeling in your heart, use that to become a better person. Use that to strengthen and empower you.’ This is also why, like me, I encourage them to support advocacies related to abuse of women and children.”

Ruffa also said she won’t mind if ever one of the girls decides to join beauty pageants. “I have no problem if they choose to follow in my footsteps. Being a beauty queen requires a lot of effort—she has to have poise. She also has to study and be aware of what’s happening around the world. Being a beauty queen opened a lot of doors for me,” said the 1993 Miss World Second Princess.

Ruffa is one of the busiest actors during the time of quarantine. She was part of two lock-in set productions (“Love Thy Woman” and “The House Arrest of Us”) and is currently in another, taping for the TV5 series “Stay in Love.”

Even though she’s been away for long periods of time, Ruffa made sure that the girls were never alone at home. She would sometimes make them stay at her parents’ (Eddie Gutierrez and Annabelle Rama) house in Quezon City.

“It’s good that they’re not rebels. They’re a couple of homebodies,” she said, laughing, recalling the times when as a teenager she would sneak out of the house against the orders of her overprotective mom, Annabelle. “Although dealing with youngsters these days is tough. You have to be strict but at the same time understanding. I’m trying to be both, and I tell you, it’s not easy.”

A lot has changed, said Ruffa, since the whole world began experiencing the pandemic early this year. “Right now, I’m just grateful that my family remains intact, and that we have a home because other people have it worse,” she shared with reporters. “These are the times when you realize the things that truly matter. During the lockdown, I would only use 10 pieces of clothes again and again. Also, bringing out your Chanel and Hermès bags nowadays is a waste of effort. Everyone uses UVC (sterilizing) bags, instead. I have three!”

Ruffa added: “You realize that life is more important. All the material things you possess don’t matter in the end … everyone’s life has changed because of the virus.”