Close  

Benjamin Alves recounts guilt for not responding to late dad’s last message

/ 11:55 AM April 02, 2019
Benjamin Alves

Image: Instagram/@benxalves

Kapuso actor Benjamin Alves turned 30 last March 31 and marked it by remembering his father, Eribert “Ebet” Sapida, who passed away last October.

In Alves’ post, he shared a photo of him rock-climbing as well as a screenshot of his dad’s last message to him, which read: “Okay ha. God keep you safe always.”

ADVERTISEMENT

“It’s the exact photo I sent my dad, the last time he and I spoke,” Alves wrote via Instagram recently. “The next photo is a screenshot of the last thing he said to me (fittingly in retrospect), ‘God keep (me) safe always.'”

View this post on Instagram

Since it’s still my birthday, please indulge me for a minute. This photo and the entire weekend itself will always be significant to me. It’s the exact photo I sent my dad, the last time he and I spoke. The next photo is a screenshot of the last thing he said to me (fittingly in retrospect), “God keep (me) safe always.” ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ For months the guilt of not replying to him literally ate away at my being. To be honest it still does. I had a hard time forgiving myself for making the mistake of justifying that I was too busy at my pictorial to reply to him when I really wasn’t. And the people around me would’ve understood if I asked to be excused for a moment. I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is short. You have to prioritize what’s important and of value to you, because you never really know how long you have out here. One day, you’re chatting with someone then tomorrow they’re gone. It is, it was, as swift as that. Like a thief in the night I feel like someone stole my dad from me. These were dark times. I was angry – at myself and at God. My dad was a good man. He deserved more years in this world. But I guess it’s because I wish I had more time. More chances to tell him how much I love him. How much I feel guilty not idolizing him growing up because I always felt we could’ve had more financially, if he had just taken a promotion at work. How guilty I feel now for resenting him. That the reason why he didn’t want to work more hours was because he needed all that time to serve in the community and in his church. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And I realized this, how he found fortune in helping others, when he filled up a whole cathedral in his final viewing. How everybody who paid their respects, had such sadness and love for him equal if not greater to mine. I saw complacency as naive kid, but I now realize that it was contentment in his heart. How selfish and shameful of me, to want to take that away from him, just so I can have more clothes, a better car, growing up.

A post shared by BENJAMIN alves (@benxalves) on

Alves shared he felt guilty for months for not replying to his dad’s last message and had a difficult time forgiving himself. Alves apparently was at a shoot at the time.

I had a hard time forgiving myself for making the mistake of justifying that I was too busy at my pictorial to reply to him when I really wasn’t,” he said. “And the people around me would’ve understood if I asked to be excused for a moment.”

Losing his father was not something he expected at all. He added that his dad’s death was swift, as if he was stolen by a thief in the night.

ADVERTISEMENT

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is short. You have to prioritize what’s important and of value to you, because you never really know how long you have out here.”

Alves also wished he had more time with his dad, to tell him how much he really loved him. As per Alves, he felt guilty for not looking up to his dad growing up because their family could’ve been financially better, if only his dad accepted a promotion at work.

How guilty I feel now for resenting him. That the reason why he didn’t want to work more hours was because he needed all that time to serve in the community and in his church.”

It was only later that he realized it was in these hours serving the community and the church that his dad found fortune.

“I saw complacency as naive kid, but I now realize that it was contentment in his heart,” he said. “How selfish and shameful of me, to want to take that away from him, just so I can have more clothes, a better car, growing up.”  /ra

RELATED STORIES: 

Benjamin Alves isn’t ‘all fluff, no substance’ 

LOOK: Benjamin Alves pulls no punches with six-pack abs 

Read Next
LATEST STORIES
MOST READ
Follow @CCepedaINQ on Twitter
Don't miss out on the latest news and information.
View comments

Subscribe to INQUIRER PLUS to get access to The Philippine Daily Inquirer & other 70+ titles, share up to 5 gadgets, listen to the news, download as early as 4am & share articles on social media. Call 896 6000.

TAGS: Benjamin Alves, Celebrity Birthdays, death, father and son, grieving, Heneral Luna
For feedback, complaints, or inquiries, contact us.


© Copyright 1997-2019 INQUIRER.net | All Rights Reserved

We use cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. By continuing, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. To find out more, please click this link.