Hard killers, treatable doctors, and other boob-tube booboos

Host: Why did you stop the traffic on the bridge leading to your town?

Guest: Because it’s weak—the recent disaster is threatening the bone structure of the bridge!

(Excuse me, are you talking about a bridge—or a nose bridge?)

* * *

Host: What will happen now to Arroyo’s plan to go abroad for medical help?

Guest: Well, they will now have to elevate the petition to the Court of Supremes!

(—With Diana Ross as “Supreme” Justice—?!)

* * *

Host: What is your timetable for the resolution of the Revilla murder case?

Guest: Mabilis na ‘yan, ‘pag umamin na ang mga hard killers.

(They’re that tough, huh?)

* * *

Host: What are the chances of more landslides in your province?

Guest: If it keeps raining and wet, there’s more, because it’s very slide!

(Ah, your “logic” is—slippery!)

* * *

Host: Your mission is to help what group in particular?

Guest: Our organization is to help our native people, who belong to indigenous species!

(Uh, whatever does that mean—?)

* * *

Reporter: Do you think our candidate has a good chance in the beauty pageant? Do you think Miss Philippines will win?

Interviewee: For me, we are very pride of our very potential candidate!

(Translation: Yes, I think she will!)

* * *

Host: Does Gloria Arroyo really have to go abroad to get well?

Guest: No need! There are many treatable doctors right here in the Philippines!

(“Treatable doctors?” —Baliktad yata…)

Supporters

Host: —Is that right? If so, why are her supporters insisting that she should go abroad?

Guest: Well, as usual, they are misleading the facts!

(—Baliktad na naman!)

* * *

Host: Who won in the Miss World contest?

Cohost: Miss Valenzuela—first runner-up lang si Miss Philippines.

(Valenzuela? Venezuela? —Big difference!)

* * *

Host: What is your plan for winning the challenge?

Guest: We will try to be the fastest and also the best—it will serve as a double porpoise!

(—Oh, as in twin turtles!)

* * *

Host: What will you do if there’s a fire in your neighborhood?

Guest: I will right away get a balde and throw a tubig!

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