Successful alcoholic, ‘bagong’ toothache and other boob-tube booboos

“Boob-tube booboos” fans have asked for a fresh compilation of inadvertent TV boners, to get 2015 started on a mirthful high.—Happy to oblige!:

Host: Did you have to overcome major problems to become what you are now?

Guest: Oh, yes! For many years, I was a heavy drinker—until I used all of my will power to fight it—and became a successful alcoholic!

(So, you’re an even harder drinker now—and you enjoy it more?)

* * *

Host: How can we take the best care of our teeth?

Guest: There are so many new discoveries being made in dental care that we should take advantage of. Instead of the old ways, mahalagang pumili ng bagong toothache!

(Ah—ikaw na lang kaya?)

* * *

Host: Will the visiting VIP be able to see the situation here as it really is?

Guest: I assure you, he will be treated like any ordinary tourist—no carpet!

(Sorry about that, Mr. Aladdin!)

* * *

Host: It’s been weeks since the crime was committed—do you have any leads?

Guest: We are assigning more investigators, so we expect to arrest the guilty in the earliest possible of time!

(Uh, OK—but, how come we’re still worried?!)

* * *

Host: Did you have a normal childhood?

Guest: Well, maybe it was unusual, because I was born next to a cementery.

(Is that where your home was, or where they made cement in your hometown?)

* * *

Host: What do you say to yourself when you encounter seemingly insurmountable problems?

Guest: I always tell myself, you just have to do this, you have to do that!

(—And that really works for you?)

* * *

Host: What does Philippine society need to attain a higher level of morality?

Guest: No half-measures will do, we need a complete transfermation.

(Oh, dear—where do we transfer to?)

* * *

Host: If somebody invents something very useful, how can your office help him?

Guest: Just give us the idea, and we will pack it off!

(Pack it off to—where?)

* * *

Host: How can we make sure that our economy keeps improving?

Guest: Kailangang tuluy-tuloy lang, para mapanatigil ang kapatapatan.

(Ano daw?!)

* * *

Host: What are you doing to stay ahead of the competition?

Guest: We try very hard to focus on what defers us from the rest.

(And what could that possibly be?)

* * *

Host: What’s the latest bulletin on the condition of the ailing sports star?

Reporter: His family is happy, kasi nagising na sya sa kanyang comatose.

(—Ah, please repeat?)

* * *

Host: What is your airline’s promise to your passengers after this big problem?

Guest: We promise to give better service to our inconvenient passengers!

(Ah, ganoon, ha?!)

* * *

Host: What do you look for as a beauty pageant judge?

Juror: Important is beauty, talent and how you look for yourself!

(No comment!)