Lack of poor sight, Scarbory Shores and other boob-tube booboos

Boob-tube booboos. Illustration by Nastasha Verayo

HOST: Your new hotel is quite big for a boutique establishment. How many rooms do you have?

Guest: Oh, we have 50 rooms, which compromise different categories.

(Compromise? Oh, you mean comprise!)

* * *

Host: What were the sexy models in the daring fashion show wearing?

Guest: Because it was supposed to be sexy, they were dressed only in very skimpy tires!

(—Isa ka pa.)

* * *

Host: What is your resort’s best attraction?

Guest: Aside from the fantastic view, of course the warm of our hospitality!

(Mmm, we do feel that we’re getting warm—under the collar!)

* * *

Host: And what makes your restaurant’s signature dish so good?

Guest: If you can smell and taste it, which is has a coconut syrup!

(Ah—come again?)

* * *

Host: Why so many billions of dollars for debt payment?

Guest: Because it’s needed to retain our fiscal reputation—

pambayad ng utang panlaba ng bansa!

(Are you sure it’s not for money laundering?)

* * *

Host: Why are there so many senate investigations these days?

Guest: It’s all for investigation in aid of registration.

(Quote, unquote!)

* * *

Host: Your unusual, ice-cold tourist attraction must be expensive to maintain, with so many ice sculptures around?

Guest: Oh, yes, that’s why we have 20 ice sculpturers to keep producing them!

(Ah, ice sculptors will do just fine…)

* * *

Host: Your office keeps getting criticized a lot in the media these days. How do you cope?

Guest: Well, it’s part of the job, we just have to brave for more.

(You mean brace, don’t you?)

* * *

Host: What will happen to your political party in the next elections?

Guest: We will just do our best to win—after then that, we don’t know yet.

(—Ano daw?!)

* * *

Host: If you were president, what would be one of your priority objectives?

Guest: One of them definitely would be to resolve our conflict with China over—what’s that—

the Scarbory Shores?

(—We’re so glad you aren’t president!)

* * *

Host: You’re always criticizing the government. What’s your beef, ba?

Guest: Well, it’s obvious—our leaders have severe lack of poor sight!

(Poor sight? Poor sight? —Oh, foresight! —Poor you!)

* * *

Host: What have all of your experiences taught you about life?

Guest: That, sa finger lang, pwedeng mawala ang lahat!

(Wow, that sounds so—confusing? —What has your finger have to do with anything?)

* * *

Host: When was the last time you went on a pilgrimage?

Guest: Three years ago, to the Vatican, for the canonation of a saint.

(How many cannons were fired?)