Genital camera, ‘Woo to you’ and other boob-tube booboos

HOST: How did you feel when your entry didn’t win in the competition?

Guest: I admit, frankly, I could not hide my disappointed!

(Poor you!)

* * *

Priest on TV: My sermon today reminds all of you to follow God’s commandments. If you commit sin, as the Old Testament prophets said, “Woo to you!”

(The Old Testament said that?)

* * *

Host: What’s the traffic like at this hour?

Field reporter: It’s running smoothly—except for the area at this intersection, where the road repair is undergoing.

(—Ah, come again, please?)

* * *

Host: What is your inspiring advice to our countrymen to get our act together as a people?

Guest: If we act together as one, pwede natin palitan ang mga problema natin!

(That’s your “inspiring” advice, replacing our problems today with other problems? —Gee, thanks.)

Economy

Host: Do you think that our economy will continue to improve?

Guest: Well, given the statistics coming in, I think it’s more likely predispose.

(—What does that mean?)

* * *

Host: What is the big prize in your club’s fundraising campaign?

Guest: Our top prize is a state-of-the-art genital camera!

(—It specializes in taking pictures of—what?)

* * *

Host: Here’s the latest weather report for today, from our weather reporter.

Reporter: People will be having a better time today, because we now have lower humility.

(—Is that supposed to be good?)

* * *

Host: What do you think will be the outcome of the cases now filed against some top politicians?

Guest: It depends on the courts. It could go one way or another. So, it’s important for us concerned citizens to keep our teeth on the ground.

(To do what, where? —What are you talking about?!)

* * *

Host: What music do you like listening to when you want to relax and meditate?

Guest: Oh, I love listening to the music of Beth Woven!

(Who’s that? Is she a composer—or a weaver?)

Sofa design

Host: If I want you to design a sofa for my house, how do I go about it?

Guest: First, you have to tell me what you want, like is it softly or hardly covered?

(Decisions, decisions!)

* * *

Host: If you want to be a star, what should you do?

Guest: You have to prepare yourself and your talents really well before you can get on the show biz door!

(Ah, we want to get into that door, not on it!)

* * *

Host: How do you feel about your decision to try your luck in show biz in the States? It’s a big move!

Guest: Well, parang mixed emotions—may excitement, syempre, kasama ng konting lungkot.

(Yeah, we guess that’s what is meant by “mixed emotions!”)