Irreverent spiels skewer Rihanna, Mel, even the Academy

HOST Seth McFarlane roasts A-listers.

Oscar Awards host Seth McFarlane dished out a lot of jokes—some flew, some fell flat.

But all poked irreverent fun at Hollywood. Well, what did the Academy expect from the guy who created the Fox cartoon show “Family Guy” and last year’s big-screen hit “Ted”?

“Welcome to the Oscars. And the quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now.”

“Daniel Day-Lewis … you were totally 100 percent in character as Lincoln during the making of the movie. So, when you saw a cell phone, [did you] go, ‘Oh my God, what’s that?!’ If you bumped into Don Cheadle on the studio lot, did you try to free him?”

“‘Django Unchained’ … is the story of a man fighting to get back his woman who’s been subjected to unthinkable violence—or as Chris Brown and Rihanna call it, ‘a date movie.’ A lot of controversies over the use of the N-word in the film. I’m told apparently the screenplay is loosely based on Mel Gibson’s voice mails.”

“‘Argo’ tells the previously classified story about an American hostage rescue in post-revolutionary Iran. The story was so top secret  that the film’s director is unknown to the Academy.”

“2012 was a great year for movies. Hollywood shattered box-office records with $10.8 billion in domestic sales. In fact, studio accountants have never had to work harder to prove nothing made a profit.”

(Introducing Meryl Streep) “Our next presenter needs no introduction.” (Walks off the stage.)

“Quvenzhané Wallis is the youngest best actress nominee ever. Let me just address those of you [who are] up for an award: So you got nominated for an Oscar—something a 9-year-old could do. She said to me backstage, ‘I really hope I don’t lose to that old lady, Jennifer Lawrence.’ To give you an idea of just how young Wallis is, it will be 16 years before she’s too old for George Clooney.”