Visiting Artist’s clueless answers stump reporters

BEA ALONZO

Enterprising Reporter had a tough time interviewing Visiting Artist.

Seemed VA couldn’t give substantial, or even just sensible, answers to even the simplest questions.

Exasperated, ER decided to ask VA about matters of the heart. The question: Was VA making beautiful music with Fellow Performer?

VA looked stumped for real, and asked back: “What do you mean?”

Apparently, VA wasn’t familiar with the expression.

Other reporters present were reminded of Cute Hunk, who had mistaken the word “horticulturist” for something vulgar.

Office rendezvous

Pretty Starlet keeps denying a rumored affair with High-Profile Personality.

One fine day, PS wandered into HP’s workplace on what was supposed to be “official” business.

After fulfilling her “official” duties, PS reportedly walked straight into HP’s private chambers.

Bold and beautiful

KIM CHIU

Gotta hand it to Sexy Star, who has mastered the fine art of making dead-ma.

Rumors linking SS with Popular Celebrity are insistent, to say the least. Perhaps SS precisely wanted to quash all the idle talk by hobnobbing in public with PC and his Beautiful Wife.

SS was the portrait of innocence at a party with the couple, acting as if all those nasty intrigues had been imagined.

Hero-turned-heel

In front of the camera, Hunky Actor often portrays the good guy—dashing prince to every troubled princess. Away from the camera, HA can be the ultimate heel.

HA insists that reporters refrain from asking about his Screen Partner. He doesn’t want the public to think that he is merely using SP for publicity—when in fact he is milking his alleged romance with the girl for all it’s worth.

According to a source, HA was overheard berating reporters, calling them a certain politically incorrect term, implying that they attended events just for the free grub.

High-flying HA apparently thinks he’s better than mere mortals.

Soaring realty prices

Controversial Personality has always had a far-reaching effect on the nation’s economy.

CP badly wanted a piece of property in a posh village. But the former owner was reluctant to sell and quoted an unreasonable price to shake off CP.

Without skipping a beat, CP agreed to the amount— twice the prevailing market value of the house and lot.

CP’s gumption is said to have sent real-estate prices skyrocketing not only in that village, but all throughout the area—reaching even sleepy suburbia and nearby provinces south of the big city.

Top of the Talk Shows

For those who missed last weekend’s TV gabfests (and why we are moved, if we are moved):

Jessica Sanchez, asked what’s the most memorable part of her Philippine visit: “Just driving around and seeing how different it is from the States. It’s beautiful here. It’s amazing.” (And of course you missed the monsoon rains.)

Marian Rivera, asked if she’s happy about her reconciliation with Heart Evangelista: “Oo … Saka ’yung mga ganun ayoko nang pag-usapan. Kumbaga nangyari na ’yung nangyari, OK na ’yun … At dapat lang naman talagang positive lahat.” (And let’s tell the one who started it!)

Bela Padilla, asked if she’s in a relationship with Maxene Magalona’s ex, Neil Arce: “Let’s just say, I haven’t been this happy in a while.” (That’s a yes.)

Carmina Villaroel on her kids’ reaction to her coming marriage to longtime partner Zoren Legaspi: “Mas nauna pa nilang nalaman kaysa sa ’kin!” (Funny, the parents are usually the last to know.)

Carmina, asked how her relationship with Zoren has lasted this long: “Aside from love, respect and trust, siguro I’m just so lucky that Zoren is so understanding. Wala siyang hiningi sa ’kin. Puro pag-unawa at pag-intindi sa mga nangyari sa ’kin in the past. Parang nag-jive lang talaga kaming dalawa.” (OK, we can delete “siguro.”)

Erich Gonzales on her love life: “I’ve been dating a nonshow biz guy for over a year na. Nasa right age na naman ako … I’m very happy. He’s very special to me.” (We can stop right there, thank you.)

Jessie Mendiola on being linked to Derek Ramsay: “Oh my God, hindi  …  I don’t know him personally. Hindi ko siya ka-close.” (Oh, my God, sayang …)

Bea Alonzo on doing a film with real-life sweetheart Zanjoe Marudo: “Natatakot akong umarte sa harapan niya. Nahihiya ako!” (And let’s hope you do better than you did in “The Mistress.”)

Aiza Seguerra on turning emotional when Vic Sotto joined her onstage during her “Bente  Singko” concert: “Second dad ko ’yan. Emotional ako kasi ’di naman niya laging ginagawa ’yan. Ang laking pasasalamat ko talaga sa kanya because he still helps me go through a lot of tough times … sobrang speechless.” (Must be love.)

Kim Chiu on screen partner Xian Lim: “He treats my whole family really well. Kahit mag-mall show lang siya sa Cebu, gusto niyang dalawin ’yung lola ko … Nakakatuwa naman. At sana ’di siya magsawa.” (Sana ’di ka rin magsawa.)

Maja Salvador, asked if she and ex-boyfriend Matteo Guidicelli are friends: “OK  kami … Civil.” (That’s not friends.)

Maja, asked why her relationship with Matteo didn’t work out: “Siguro dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal.” (Uh.)

Vice Ganda, asked about the five girlfriends he had in high school and college: “’Yung iba nanonood sa ’kin sa mga comedy bars … hindi ko na sila nakakausap. Nahihiya nga ako kapag nakikita ko sila. Lahat ng mga girlfriends ko dati, kapag alam kong ’di na magwo-work, nawawala na lang ako bigla.” (Now they probably know why.)

(“Startalk,” “The Buzz,” with Allan Policarpio, Contributor)