Kylie Padilla. Image: Instagram/@hellodarling.ph via @kylienicolepadilla
Kylie Padilla confessed her previous feeling of devastation with the thought of not being the “best wife” to her estranged husband Aljur Abrenica during their union, and of not being the “best mom” to their kids Alas and Axl because of her postpartum depression.
In a vlog on her YouTube channel, the actress opened up anew about her bout with postpartum depression after giving birth to Axl, which eventually resulted in the breakup of her marriage with Abrenica. She said the feeling only abated when she eventually realized that her past experiences turned out to be a “blessing.”
Still, the experience continued to haunt her, and she said that she couldn’t help but feel said whenever she is reminded of it.
“Kapag naaalala ko ‘yun, nalulungkot ako kasi I was diagnosed with postpartum depression but also, I was told to just stay in bed and rest. Nahirapan ako noon. Nahirapan akong i-process ‘yung nangyayari sa’kin because I had no control of my body,” she said.
“I wanted to be able to take care of my kids after giving birth, which is why na-trauma din ako kaya ayoko na mag-baby sana. Ayoko na maramdaman ulit ‘yun. I felt like a failure to my kids,” she further added.
(It makes me sad when I remember it. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression at the time, but also, I was told to just stay in bed and rest. I had a hard time. I had a hard time processing what’s happening to me because I had no control of my body. I wanted to be able to take care of my kids after giving birth, which is why I was traumatized with this. I don’t want to have a baby. I don’t want to go through that again. I felt like a failure to my kids.)
Without mentioning Abrenica’s name, Padilla said she initially thought that she would “survive” their marital problems, but lamented over the fact that she wasn’t able to be the “best mom and wife” throughout their marriage.
“Our marriage started getting rough… I felt like a failure,” she said. “Sadly, I wasn’t able to be the best mom I could’ve been, the best wife I could’ve been. If I’m going to be super duper honest, during that time, I expected na kahit mahirap (even if it’s hard), we would survive it. But not all partners are able to love their partners when they’re in the ugliest place and the worst place they’ve been.”
The “Bolera” star also recalled a time where she “just shut down” after giving birth to Axl, as she hinted that her “physical weakness” somehow became an “issue.”
“Nanganak ako, and then physically, I think I just shut down. I started having physical reactions, like nanginginig ‘yung katawan ko, from my hips down to my legs. I felt weak, nanghihina ako. I was really not myself. Natakot ako actually,” she said.
“I’m very sporty and I did everything, and biglang nawala ‘yun sa akin. I couldn’t say sorry for it kasi it wasn’t my fault. It’s not my fault na ganun ‘yung nangyari sa akin and somehow naging issue siya,” she continued.
(I gave birth and then physically, I think I just shut down. I started having physical reactions, like my body was shaking, from my hips down to my legs. I felt weak. I was really not myself. I was actually scared. I’m very sporty and I did everything, and it was suddenly gone. I couldn’t say sorry for it kasi it wasn’t my fault. It’s not my fault that this happened to me and it somehow became an issue.)
Padilla said she only managed to overcome her “devastation” when she separated from Abrenica, after which, she begun to gain inner peace within herself.
“Naghiwalay kami ng ex ko (My ex and I separated), and I was devastated. After we separated, we went through another bout of depression, but I realized there’s a blessing behind it because I feel like whatever happened was a gateway for my growth,” she said.
After opening up about her journey as a mom, the Kapuso star hoped that her fans would discover the value of “letting go” of anger.
“When I let go of my anger, and all my rage, and all my anger, and all my shame, alam niyo kung ano ang natira (do you know what was left)? I just had this feeling of love inside myself,” she said.
Padilla and Abrenica tied the knot in 2018, and confirmed their split in 2021. They have two children together, Alas Joaquin and Axl Romeo. The former hinted that her annulment with the actor is currently ongoing in February of this year.
While the actress appeared to be single, Abrenica is currently in a relationship with sexy star AJ Raval — who was accused as the third party leading to their exes’ split, to which was denied by everyone involved. EDV