In many nuclear families, the father is often the disciplinarian while the mother is the nurturer, the one whom the child turns to for comfort. “Good cop, bad cop” is shorthand for mom and dad.
For this Father’s Day feature, we asked Kapamilya talents about their fathers and what they learned from their parenting style. Many of them said their dad was the stricter parent, while a couple said their dad was “chill” when they were growing up.
Aljon Mendoza (right) with dad Arnold
“When my siblings and I were younger, Dad was a real disciplinarian. Our mom was the easygoing type, so Dad balanced things out,” said actor Aljon Mendoza. He and his siblings had to follow his rules or risk getting chastised.
They had a 10 p.m. curfew and whenever they were late coming home, his father would pick them up wherever they were. “Naalala ko, lagi ‘yan kumakatok sa bahay ng kaibigan ko kung saan ako laging nakikitambay para sunduin ako.”
Aljon recalled that when he was in second grade, he was a slow reader so every morning, his dad would make him read under their mango tree before allowing him to play in the vacant lot next door.
Gillian Vicencio (center) with her parents Alex and Rosalie
Strict parent
“Kapag pasaway kami ng mga kapatid ko, napapalo kami ng hanger, tsinelas o sinturon—depende kung anong una niyang maabot—pero babawi ‘yan ng lambing after ng sermon.
“Noong mga panahong iyon, naiinis ako kasi bakit niya kami laging sinesermon, pero ngayong malaki na ako, naiintindihan ko na. Gusto niya lang kaming lumaki ng maayos. Ayaw niya kaming kunsintihin sa mga ginagawa naming magkakapatid na hindi tama. I realized he just wanted to protect us and I think ‘pag ako naman ang naging dad, didisiplinahin ko rin ang anak ko sa tamang paraan,” Aljon said.
This appreciation for having a strict father growing up is one shared by Gillian Vicencio, Andi Abaya and Gail Banawis.
When she was much younger, actress Gillian Vicencio recalled that she could play on the streets with her cousins until late at night, but things changed when she entered high school and began hanging out with a new set of friends.
“He would always ask me where we were going and sometimes he wouldn’t allow me to go out all the time. Masama ang loob ko noon kapag hindi ako pinapayagan kasi ‘yung ibang kaibigan ko pinapayagan naman sila ng magulang nila. Doon ako nagsimulang maging pasaway.”
Gillian would tell him they were going to a place she knew he’d allow her to go to even if she and her friends went somewhere else. She would also promise to be home at a certain hour but always get in late.
Andi Abaya (left) with dad Jomini
‘Forever baby’
“He lost his trust in me because of my lying. He only wanted to know I was safe wherever I went. I remember him and my mother saying, ‘Kahit gaano pa kayo tumanda, ang tingin pa rin namin sa inyo ay baby kaya hindi niyo maaalis sa amin na mag-alala lagi.’ Hearing those words made me happy because I felt loved. He’s strict because he loves me.”
Andi Abaya’s dad Jom was also a strict disciplinarian when she was growing up.
“My dad has always been overprotective of me and my siblings, which I chalk up to his family background. My lolo was a general and really valued discipline, and that is something my dad instilled in us growing up,” Andi said.
“I am grateful at how he raised us because it makes me more conscious and self-aware of my actions and behavior, not just when I’m at home or with my parents, but most especially when I’m alone.”
She recalled the time her dad gave her a credit card when she turned 18 for necessities and emergencies. “I ended up overspending and maxing out my credit limit. As a result, I lost some of my privileges. Aside from a decreased credit card limit and a halt on online deliveries, I wasn’t allowed to go out or socialize.”
In retrospect, she said her dad’s parenting style helped her become more cautious and wiser when it comes to analyzing and making decisions. “I really appreciate my dad for helping me and molding me into becoming more decisive, objective and firm in how I engage myself with any situation,” Andi said.
Gail Banawis (right) with dad Gilray
Disciplinarian
Fil-Am singer Gail Banawis also had a strict dad when she was growing up in the United States. “Because he was a disciplinarian, I learned to be very calculating with my actions. I steered away from being rash and impulsive. I’d weigh my options two, three or four times before making a decision.”
Gail recalled how she once stole a friend’s video game after misplacing hers. She said she nicked it because she was scared of getting punished. “Pero napagalitan pa rin ako. Aside from napalo, tinanggalan ako ng access sa games, computer, TV. Nakatambay lang ako sa dining room.”
Her dad also wanted her to check in with him whenever they would attend gatherings in the US. “We would hang out with boys at these gatherings, but I had to show myself to him every 30 minutes. For example, if we were hanging out in a room upstairs, I had to come downstairs every half hour. I used a timer then because if I didn’t show up, he would get angry.”
Gail found this a bit much but he would always explain to her that whenever he chastised her, it was always for her own good. “I felt like my friends used to laugh at me then, but now I realize it was his way of telling the boys that I was not one to be toyed with—that there is a father, a man who has my back. Even though Dad had a strange way of approaching things, he always had good intentions.”
Markus Paterson (right) with dad George
Daddy’s boy
Fil-Brit actor and TV host Markus Paterson had an easier time growing up with his easygoing dad, former British Air Force pilot George Paterson.
“It was great having a chill dad since my mom was the disciplinarian. I was a daddy’s boy; he spoiled me since I am his only son. He took me to my football games, drove me to school when I was feeling sick, and listened to my problems.”
Markus said his dad has been his best friend since he was a kid and up to now.
“I was quite a rebellious teenager and every time I’d get into trouble or the headmaster would call my parents, he would always be the one to come and pick me up and hear my side. It was odd considering he was in the military most of his life. Even though he sent me to military cadet squadron, he didn’t force me. I wanted to do it to make him proud,” Markus said.
Kaila Estrada (right) with dad John
Actress Kaila Estrada said her dad, actor John Estrada, is a mix of both strict and chill. “I would say my dad was somewhere in the middle between being a disciplinarian and an easygoing dad. He was strict with certain things—may mga strict rules siya at nakakatakot siya magalit—but overall, he was still pretty laidback with us. Siguro kasi ‘di kami madalas magkita.”
Now that she and her siblings are adults, they get to bond with him over drinks and games.
By his own admission, Pinoy Big Brother alum Kobie Brown had “a great childhood” in the United Kingdom where he was raised by his father Andrew.
“He was chill but he also knew when to discipline his kids. He always wanted my siblings and me to excel in anything we did but at the same time he was very understanding and not too hard on us,” Kobie said.
His father got him into football and was his very first coach. “He always wanted me to put my heart into it and would push me in a good way. We were never spoiled and we had to work if we wanted something. During times I would fail, I would just think about what he said, get up and try again.”
Lian Dyogi (left) with dad Lauren
Singer and songwriter Lian Dyogi says her dad, “Direk” Laurenti, is also an easygoing dad. “He let me explore my creative side. I don’t think I’d be doing what I’m doing now without his support. I think it was really nice that he supports the creative arts but also not surprising because he’s from show biz (laughs), so normal lang.”
She said he encourages her to try things out and if she fails, tells her to get up and try it out again. “I don’t think I would’ve preferred a dad who’d tell me to take up law or medicine. I really appreciate the trust and freedom he gave me to choose the career path I wanted. I wouldn’t want to replace that,” Lian said.