Moving on: Celebrities on recovering after a heartbreak
There’s an oft-repeated aphorism from Nietzsche that applies to people who intend to bounce back from soul-crushing heartbreak: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But as our featured celebrities for this year’s Valentine forum would tell you, that doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
How can you tell when the worst is over? We asked some of GMA Network’s exciting stars to share with us what their firsthand experience was like when they fell in love, fell out of it and finally moved on. Their answers below:
I know that I am done grieving over a lost love when I’ve found someone just as worthy as the person I lost … kapag nahanap mo na ang taong mas deserving ng love and affection na ipinakita mo sa lost love mo. That way, it’ll be easier for you to forget the past. Also, you realize that there are many others who deserve the time and effort you’re ready to give.
You will really feel that lightness inside, which comes from acceptance and being at peace with what happened. I also get inspired to discover what I want to fill my next chapter with. It makes me hungry to expand, so I try things out here and there.
A lot of self-love also comes in. I mean, you just survived something painful, so you deserve to give yourself that extra care.
You know that you’re starting to move on when you stop stalking the other person and you no longer care who’s the new guy she follows. Or you don’t look after the new post on her Stories, which are sometimes hard to avoid on your feed.
Minsan kasi, especially after a breakup, pupuntahan mo talaga ang profile n’ya. Lastly, you no longer get hurt when you hear her name.
Based on my experience, I knew I was done grieving over a lost love when I was able to love myself again. When I started to believe that I was worthy of receiving love and that the right type of love would eventually come at the right time.
It all starts with you. So when you’re ready to accept the hurt, struggle and pain, that’s when you know you’re ready to move on. When you’re able to accept all your faults and flaws and finally forgive yourself and the love you lost.
I also knew I was over it when I learned to love myself and realized I could be happy on my own. I decided that I deserved better, and it was time to chase other things because, after all, there really is so much more to life.
You know you have moved on when it’s finally easier to laugh about what you’ve been through. It gets easier when you can already acknowledge the heartbreak. Acknowledging the issue is always the first step, then the rest of the grieving phase will follow.
When you can surround yourself with people again, give yourself enough time to open up to them and cry it all out—that’s when you know you’ve moved on.
Now that I’m older, na-realize ko na ’pag nagmahal pala ako, I sometimes forget to love myself… because I give my all to the other person. There’s nothing wrong with that, lalo na kung nararamdaman ’yan ng partner mo. But I realized that I’m the type who finds it hard to move on… to the point na nakakalimutan ko na ang sarili ko and that I would still be in denial about it.
I’m just so blessed because I have my family to remind me about what I’m worth… and that perhaps she may not be the right person for me after all. That’s when I know I’m ready to move on and fall in love with the next person that God will send my way.
I also know now that self-examination is important in the process of recovery. Just trust the people around you to help you get through this.
You know it’s time to move on when you get to a point where you already feel too exhausted trying to keep the relationship together or staying in it, even if you know deep inside that it’s really over.
You sometimes hold on to it, because you’ve invested so much of your time to the relationship. But when you realize what it has done to your self-worth and that you’re no longer helping each other become better versions of yourselves within the relationship, that’s when the process ng acceptance, forgiveness and healing begins.
Then, you wake up one day realizing that you’re over it—OK ka na! You just had to go through the whole process. The sooner you realize that there are other aspects of your life that are more important, the faster the recovery.
For me, we don’t really move on… we just get used to that feeling [of loss]. I came across a Twitter thread describing that grief and dealing with pain are like a ball with a pain button in a cramp box. During the first few days, the ball will always hit the pain button. And as days go by, the ball will get smaller, although there will come a time when the ball will hit the pain button again, and it will still feel the same.
The point is, we just learn to be above it, but it never really leaves us. There are days when the ball will feel bigger, and it is perfectly OK to acknowledge how you feel about it.
From my experience, I can tell that I’m ready to let go of the weight when I feel I can already acknowledge the pain that I’m feeling and express that with acceptance.
Letting it out is a process. I allow myself to cry for a period of time until I can breathe and live in trust again. Life goes on. I just make sure that I let myself feel what my body naturally wants me to feel because I also know that the best way out of the bad feeling is to go through it. So I have to face it head-on.
Moving on is not a sprint or a marathon with a finish line. No amount of time can dictate when one is completely healed from the pain of a lost love. Kahit wala na ang kirot, hindi ibig sabihin naka-move on ka na.
Because how can you “move on” when even the aching memories that linger will make better persons out of us, or when the agonizing lessons from that loss can shape us? Maybe we can truly move on when we’re ready to change as a person… when we acknowledge that they’re already part of our life, whether we like it or not. We can move on when we know that we’re no longer the same person who got his or her heart broken.
For me, I know I’ve moved on when I’m no longer stalking their accounts or wondering what they’re up to, when I stop caring about their whereabouts, and when I stop telling my friends how hurt I am.
You need to cut the connection with your past and move forward. You cannot heal properly if you still wonder what they’re doing every day. You need to put yourself first, heal on your own, and move on. INQ