It’s ‘safety first’ for former heartthrob

G entlemanly Heartthrob (GH) has always been known to be OC (obsessive-compulsive) where cleanliness or orderliness is concerned. In fact, his things have to be in their proper order at all times, and everything around him has to be neat … just like his image.

While there certainly are similarities between GH and another former heartthrob, Personable Perfectionist (PP)—they used to enjoy the services of their occasional pay-for-play companions—Rushes Mole (RM) insists that GH plays it safe even when his boytoys are around.

GH satisfies his urges and impulses by merely watching others perform, regardless of the number of his “sources of entertainment.” He’d rather just watch than risk getting sick, so he strictly adheres to his “no touch” policy. And he’s right, of course—as they say, better safe than sorry. INQ

TOP OF THE TABLOIDS

This week’s top show biz news from the tabloids (and why we are moved, if we are moved):

• Bea Alonzo nagsimula nang mag-taping para sa ‘Start-Up,’ promise sa fans: May bongga siyang Filipino twist. (Good for Bea. We were starting to worry because she has been seen everywhere, except where it matters: in front of a camera, as an actress.)

• Herlene Budol kinampihan ng ilang netizens: Hindi naman niya nilapa ang nguso ni Alden Richards! (Doesn’t this make Alden’s “nguso” seem like fresh, raw meat?)

• Lovelife hugot ni Barbie Imperial: Ang bilis kong ma-in love … ang dami kong bubog sa buhay. (Don’t those scars work like an “early warning device” every time she falls again?)

• Dingdong Dantes naranasang maging jeepney driver, reaksyon ng netizen: Hindi ako sasakay sa kanya, nakakainsulto, eh! Mas fresh pa sa akin ang driver. (Hmm. The jeepney probably has carefully concealed aircon or a built-in shower commuters don’t easily see.)

• Carmi Martin nanampal ng dayuhang turista sa loob ng resto: Sabi ko sa kanya, ‘Who gave you the right to do that?’ (11th commandment: Thou shall not kandong Carmi …)

• Banat ni Sunshine Cruz sa basher na tumawag sa kanya ng lola: Kumain ka… mukha kang gutom. (Ain’t no sunshine when she’s upset.)

• Rufa Mae Quinto present din sa campaign rally ni Pacman, Direk Antoinette Jadaone nag-react: Mall tour yarn? (More like world tour…)

Angelica Panganiban

• Bwelta ni Angelica Panganiban sa netizen na affected sa ‘magnanakaw’: Sana maaral mo kung paano maging mabuting tao. (Sakit namang magsalita ni Angelica. Pero ika nga, truth hurts.)

• McCoy de Leon, Elisse Joson nagkahiyaan nang mapasabak sa love scene: Pero masaya, nag-enjoy kami! (After having a baby?)