Depending champion, hard factory worker and other boob-tube booboos
Our monthly compilation of TV bones comes out in time for April Fool’s Day. Enjoy!
Host: What can (name of political candidate) do to increase her popularity in the surveys?
Guest: She should go out more often to campaign, showing herself more visibly—in flesh and blood.
(Wow, that sounds so—bloody!)
***
Host: Why don’t you offer organic vegetables in your restaurant’s salads?
Guest: We will lose customers, because it will higher the cost!
(No comment.)
***
Host: Why did you quit your PR job?
Guest: It was too stressful!
Host: What do you mean?
Guest: Every day, I got criticized—it was dammit you don’t, dammit you do!
(—Well, hot damn, we quit, too!)
***
Host: Did you have a difficult childhood?
Guest: Yes, even my teenage years were difficult. I had to work right away.
Host: What did you do?
Guest: I was a hard factory worker.
(Ah, just answer the question—don’t brag.)
***
Host: Where is your office located?
Guest: On Shoe Boulevard.
(Where? Is that in Marikina?)
***
Host: What do you like about the people you work with now?
Guest: What you see is what you get with them—wala nang is not, is not.
(Quote, unquote!)
***
Host: How are you doing in the singing contest you are competing in?
Guest: I am the depending champion!
(Is that good or bad?—Well, I guess—it depends!)
***
Host: What do you look for in your suitors that will make you decide to choose one of them to love?
Guest: Kailangang honest siya. Kailangang ipakita niya ang tunay na nilalaman ng kanyang puto.
(Ay, puto—ay, puso! Ay!)
***
Host: Will we have honest elections this May?
Guest: If the votes are confute correctly!
(We know what you mean. Otherwise, it could be—very confuting!)
***
Host: Will you win in the coming elections? What’s your gut feel?
Guest: Of course, I’m looking out the bright side!
(—Oops, there go your winning prospects.)
***
Host: What do you say to your opponent, who keeps criticizing what you’re doing about ongoing controversy?
Guest: Well, let’s just say, as we put it, I vague to disagree
(Uh, no, that’s not how we put it.)
