Depending champion, hard factory worker and other boob-tube booboos

Our monthly compilation of TV bones comes out in time for April Fool’s Day. Enjoy!

Host: What can (name of political candidate) do to increase her popularity in the surveys?

Guest: She should go out more often to campaign, showing herself more visibly—in flesh and blood.

(Wow, that sounds so—bloody!)

***

Host: Why don’t you offer organic vegetables in your restaurant’s salads?

Guest: We will lose customers, because it will higher the cost!

(No comment.)

***

Host: Why did you quit your PR job?

Guest: It was too stressful!

Host: What do you mean?

Guest: Every day, I got criticized—it was dammit you don’t, dammit you do!

(—Well, hot damn, we quit, too!)

***

Host: Did you have a difficult childhood?

Guest: Yes, even my teenage years were difficult. I had to work right away.

Host: What did you do?

Guest: I was a hard factory worker.

(Ah, just answer the question—don’t brag.)

***

Host: Where is your office located?

Guest: On Shoe Boulevard.

(Where? Is that in Marikina?)

***

Host: What do you like about the people you work with now?

Guest: What you see is what you get with them—wala nang is not, is not.

(Quote, unquote!)

***

Host: How are you doing in the singing contest you are competing in?

Guest: I am the depending champion!

(Is that good or bad?—Well, I guess—it depends!)

***

Host: What do you look for in your suitors that will make you decide to choose one of them to love?

Guest: Kailangang honest siya. Kailangang ipakita niya ang tunay na nilalaman ng kanyang puto.

(Ay, puto—ay, puso! Ay!)

***

Host: Will we have honest elections this May?

Guest: If the votes are confute correctly!

(We know what you mean. Otherwise, it could be—very confuting!)

***

Host: Will you win in the coming elections? What’s your gut feel?

Guest: Of course, I’m looking out the bright side!

(—Oops, there go your winning prospects.)

***

Host: What do you say to your opponent, who keeps criticizing what you’re doing about ongoing controversy?

Guest: Well, let’s just say, as we put it, I vague to disagree

(Uh, no, that’s not how we put it.)