Comparing apples, oranges and kumquats

A new competition on “Eat Bulaga” these days is its  “Grabe S’ya!” talent tilt, which started only recently. What we like about the new feature is its brisk way of crisply edited taped excerpts of their auditions.

Even better, each of the three chosen auditionees is given only 40 seconds to perform his or her competition number.

Trouble is, the new talent tilt is open to all talents, not just singers, so its adjudicators have their work cut out for them to astutely evaluate the relative strengths of competing singers, dancers, stunt performers, etc.—and choosing the “best” of a decidedly mixed lot!

In the show biz trade, it’s likened to having to compare “apples, oranges and kumquats”—in other words, it’s an exceedingly dodgy and iffy proposition, because each “fruit” has its own taste, texture and unique quality. So, it’s practically impossible to do!

Especially when we stop talking euphemistically about talented “fruits” and speak directly about different talents or abilities, because each one has its unique standards and contexts.

For instance, the factors that make an excellent singer are not what make an outstanding dancer—or actor—or violinist—or tuba player—or stuntman—or sand artist—etc.!

We may be exaggerating, but the problem does exist and is relevant to “Grabe S’ya,” which has already featured a very mixed bag of contestants. And, in at least one instance to date, the results were questionable.

This came about when two good singers were pitted against a talent whom we can best describe as a “stunt dancer,” because he had the special ability of subjecting his body to a number of unusual tests and challenges.

The dance gimmick that “got” the studio audience, and presumably the judges, was when the dancer abruptly fell on his side—but didn’t hurt himself because there was a technique to it, which he generously shared (in slow motion, step by careful step) with viewers.

As a result of the unusual “dance-stunt” act, he was adjudged winner for the day.

In our view, that was rather unfair to the two good singers who also did their best that day, but didn’t have an attention-calling and potentially risky physical gimmick going for them.

That doesn’t sound like a completely balanced and fair competition, does it? If contestants have to have an unusual and difficult gimmick to stand out and win, let’s not call it a talent contest anymore, but instead dub it a “one-upmanship” competition, in which the most unique or “extreme” gimmick wins.

We know whereof we speak, because we were once tapped to judge the talent category of a national beauty pageant, and we had the dizzying task of comparing singers, ballet dancers, hip-hop dancers, hula dancers, instrumentalists, visual artists, storytellers, stand-up comics, tragediennes—etc.!

We did our level best, but we still felt that we didn’t or couldn’t get it reliably right, because there simply were too many conflicting factors and standards involved.

So, the “Grabe S’ya” talent tilt would do well to reconsider, adjust, narrow down and simplify its priorities and points of comparison, to avoid having to do the well-nigh impossible.