‘High ten’ alert, walking on the red corporate and other boob-tube booboos

HOST: WITH all of the terrorist and crime threats around, what are you doing about the dangerous situation?

Guest: We would like to assure the public that we are on top of it—in fact, our law enforcers are on a high ten alert!

(High ten? Is that double a high five? —Oh, you mean heightened alert!)

* * *

Host: When the disaster struck unexpectedly, anong ginawa ninyo?

Guest: Desperately, we were so scared, sumigaw kami ng malakas—at humingi ng katulong!

(No comment!)

* * *

Host: What is your advice to other young women who dream of becoming a famous beauty queen like you?

Guest: Of course, people have to first see how beautiful you are, so you have to join beauty contests. But, you have to realize that beauty has to go under the skin!

(—Ouch, that hurts!)

* * *

Host: What do the police have to say about this latest shooting—what are their initial findings?

Guest: Well, initially, they say that the shooter was armed!

(Wow, what an unexpected discovery!)

* * *

Host: What was the most exciting part of your experience of attending your movie’s premiere abroad?

Guest: Oh, no doubt about it, it was when we walked the red corporate!

(Ah, please repeat?)

* * *

Host: What are some of the problems you face in your fire prevention work?

Guest: For one, it’s about the far hydrants.

(Yeah, they’re really too

far. . .—!)

* * *

Host: What was the composition of the audience of your show abroad?

Guest: Well, just about as many women as tao.

(Ah so…)

* * *

Host: How did you learn how to paint?

Guest: It was my mother who thought me.

(Hey, it’s really all in the mind!)

* * *

Host: What makes your beach resort different from the rest of the competition?

Resort owner: For one thing, we have a special greeting—when our guests arrive, they are hit by a gong!

(Wow, that’s really different!)

* * *

Host: I like your house’s combination of office and home—it must be a time saver!

Owner: Oh yes, in the morning, I just go down to my office, as if I’m going to work!

(As if? —How do you earn your keep?)

* * *

Host: Why should we not give public details about our economic arrangements abroad?

Guest: Because it might result in the escaltation of prices.

(No, we don’t want that!)

* * *

Host: How important is your faith to your family?

Guest: Not just to my family, our entire clan—we are all devote Catholics!

(As opposed to—the heathen kind?)

* * *

Host: I notice that you’re very careful about what you say—these days, that’s quite unusual!

Guest: Oh, yes, I make it a point not to open my mouth unless and until it’s precise for me to say!

(That’s so wise of you—we think!)