Post-apolitical film, participate by surprise and other boob-tube booboos
HOST: Why did you replace the head of the agency?
Guest: Because, under his leadership, there was now a less outfoot of the organization, and that’s bad!
(“A less outfoot” sounds really bad!)
* * *
Host: Your fashion and decor items are so unique. Where did you import them from?
Guest: All of them are imported from Twisterland!
(—Hey, that’s a new twist!)
* * *
Host: What will it take to capture the criminals behind the robbery in your building?
Guest: First, the raiding team has to get a church warrant!
(Why, is someone going to get married?)
* * *
Host: How can we volunteer and pitch in to help in your rehab efforts?
Guest: It’s easy, no problem, everyone is welcome—because so much marami, mas magagawa!
(Ah, please translate?)
* * *
Host: Why should children not get on some of the rides in the amusement center?
Guest: For a one, it is dangerous!
(And, for a two—?)
* * *
Host: What is your advice to new graduates, now that they are trying to start their careers?
Guest: Whatever happens, with ups or downs now or later, my advice is, don’t take your success from granted!
(—You’re a veritable walking encyclopedia—of contradictions!)
* * *
Host: How can we tell one kind of cheese from another? Give us some tips.
Guest: It’s easy: If it’s goat cheese, that means the milk came from goats!
(Thanks for that brilliant insight!)
* * *
Host: Would you like to invite our viewers to your shop?
Guest: Of course! Please do visit our shop—if you’re watching right now!
(—Well, duh!)
* * *
Host: What do you want to say to your fans for supporting your career all these years?
Guest: To my loyal fans, I want to say, thanks very nuts!
(Hmp, nuts to you, too!)
* * *
Host: Aside from the usual activities, what more can we do at the beach in your resort?
Guest: Sometimes, when the moon is full moon, gustong-gusto namin magluto ng bonfire!
(—Huwag niyo lang kainin, ha?)
* * *
Host: Did you finish college?
Guest: Unfortunately, no. I only reached underground in college.
(Underground? Underground? —Oh, you mean undergraduate—!)
* * *
Host: What is your major project for next year?
Guest: I am writing the history of our town. This is important to me, because before, it was just handed down from one mouth to another.
(Oh, yes, your way is much better!)
* * *
Host: Your restaurant has so many seafood dishes on the menu—why so many?
Guest: Because we know many more people are now—ayaw nang kumain ng fork!
(Quote, unquote!)
* * *
Host: Your new product is now very popular. Will you have enough supply for this Christmas season?
Guest: We are happy to assure everyone, we have no difficult to supply it.
(—That’s so—reassuring!)
* * *
Host: Why was the fire damage so bad in last night’s blaze?
Cohost: A factor some firemen cited was that the water was far away from the crime of the scene!
(—What are you talking about?)
* * *
Host: How did you feel when you won the beauty title?
Guest: Oh, it has not already sunken yet!
(That’s what you think…)
* * *
Host: Were you happy with the turnout for your fun run last week?
Guest: Oh, so much. Maraming nag-participate by surprise!
(How exactly did they do that?)
* * *
Host: Can you describe your new film?
Guest: It’s very different from the others. The setting is what you may call post-apolitical!
(Ano daw?)
