Post-apolitical film, participate by surprise and other boob-tube booboos

HOST: Why did you replace the head of the agency?

Guest: Because, under his leadership, there was now a less outfoot of the organization, and that’s bad!

(“A less outfoot” sounds really bad!)

* * *

Host: Your fashion and decor items are so unique. Where did you import them from?

Guest: All of them are imported from Twisterland!

(—Hey, that’s a new twist!)

* * *

Host: What will it take to capture the criminals behind the robbery in your building?

Guest: First, the raiding team has to get a church warrant!

(Why, is someone going to get married?)

* * *

Host: How can we volunteer and pitch in to help in your rehab efforts?

Guest: It’s easy, no problem, everyone is welcome—because so much marami, mas magagawa!

(Ah, please translate?)

* * *

Host: Why should children not get on some of the rides in the amusement center?

Guest: For a one, it is dangerous!

(And, for a two—?)

* * *

Host: What is your advice to new graduates, now that they are trying to start their careers?

Guest: Whatever happens, with ups or downs now or later, my advice is, don’t take your success from granted!

(—You’re a veritable walking encyclopedia—of contradictions!)

* * *

Host: How can we tell one kind of cheese from another? Give us some tips.

Guest: It’s easy: If it’s goat cheese, that means the milk came from goats!

(Thanks for that brilliant insight!)

* * *

Host: Would you like to invite our viewers to your shop?

Guest: Of course! Please do visit our shop—if you’re watching right now!

(—Well, duh!)

* * *

Host: What do you want to say to your fans for supporting your career all these years?

Guest: To my loyal fans, I want to say, thanks very nuts!

(Hmp, nuts to you, too!)

* * *

Host: Aside from the usual activities, what more can we do at the beach in your resort?

Guest: Sometimes, when the moon is full moon, gustong-gusto namin magluto ng bonfire!

(—Huwag niyo lang kainin, ha?)

* * *

Host: Did you finish college?

Guest: Unfortunately, no. I only reached underground in college.

(Underground? Underground? —Oh, you mean undergraduate—!)

* * *

Host: What is your major project for next year?

Guest: I am writing the history of our town. This is important to me, because before, it was just handed down from one mouth to another.

(Oh, yes, your way is much better!)

* * *

Host: Your restaurant has so many seafood dishes on the menu—why so many?

Guest: Because we know many more people are now—ayaw nang kumain ng fork!

(Quote, unquote!)

* * *

Host: Your new product is now very popular. Will you have enough supply for this Christmas season?

Guest: We are happy to assure everyone, we have no difficult to supply it.

(—That’s so—reassuring!)

* * *

Host: Why was the fire damage so bad in last night’s blaze?

Cohost: A factor some firemen cited was that the water was far away from the crime of the scene!

(—What are you talking about?)

* * *

Host: How did you feel when you won the beauty title?

Guest: Oh, it has not already sunken yet!

(That’s what you think…)

* * *

Host: Were you happy with the turnout for your fun run last week?

Guest: Oh, so much. Maraming nag-participate by surprise!

(How exactly did they do that?)

* * *

Host: Can you describe your new film?

Guest: It’s very different from the others. The setting is what you may call post-apolitical!

(Ano daw?)