Troubled hunk rattles closeted benefactor

Is Closeted Benefactor getting tired of Troubled Hunk, whose erratic behavior has been disturbing coworkers?

TH is believed to be acting up because of his volatile romance with Pretty Starlet. After every fight with PS, TH turns to booze and illicit substances.

Unknown to most people, TH has a rather powerful backer in CB, who can persuade the bosses to look the other way every time the guy gets in a tight spot.

How long can CB cover up for TH? The clock is ticking.

Caught midway

Veteran Actor visited Handsome Hunk in the latter’s bucolic home.

Since HH’s Clueless Wife was away, VA was able to indulge twin addictions with HH—drugs and sex.

While VA and HH were enjoying themselves, CW knocked on the door; her trip to the city had been cut short. HH and VA dressed up in a hurry.

CW, a longtime fan of VA’s, was too star-struck to notice anything, though. Instead of getting suspicious, CW asked for a snapshot with VA.

Another one

Cute Hunk and Influential Gay have been secret lovers for a while.

Though CH occasionally gets involved with other women, he still has clandestine trysts with IG.

Stunning Starlet once paid CH an unscheduled home visit. In the end, it was SS who was surprised… by the sight of CH and IG in bed.

As SS rushed out, IG ran after her and said: “It’s your turn.” Disgusted, SS quickly exited CH’s place—and life.

Interview with a vamp

Sultry Starlet was in a lousy mood. Though the reporters interviewing her were from her own home studio, she was uncooperative, dishing terse, tentative answers—obviously meant to exasperate the reporters.

Did SS complain to the bosses about the overeager interviewers? No need, really. She enjoyed every second of her 15 minutes of infamy.

Disaster in waiting

A nasty breakup makes a woman either bloom or wither.

Beautiful Starlet, who has just suffered a major loss in the romance department—because of Sexy Nymphet, who hooked up with BS’s man—should have waited a bit longer.

Instead, BS kept people talking at a splashy event, but for all the wrong reasons.

It was pretty obvious that she was out of shape—flabby and generally unappealing, a mole pointed out. Worse, her once sparkling face has lost its luster.

Did Former Beau cast that detrimental spell? SN, be warned.

Top of the Talk Shows

For those who missed last weekend’s TV gabfests (And why we are moved, if we are moved):

Aljur Abrenica on going topless in the recent Bench underwear show: “Wala naman talaga akong balak maghubad. Pero siyempre ’yun ang hinahanap ng mga tao… Kaya kung ano ’yung hinahanap nila, ayaw naman natin magdamot, ibinigay ko kung ano gusto nilang makita.” (Well, what did you expect? It’s the Bench show.)

BOY2 Quizon

Boy2 Quizon, denying that he and Rufa Mae Quinto have broken up: “Si Pchi halos 12 years na kaming magkasama so talagang kung sa lalim lang ng pagkakaibigan, best friend ko ’yang taong ’yan.” (Fine. Let’s all move on.)

Angelica Jones on giving birth to son Angelo: “I’m very happy and very blessed. Dream kong magkaroon ng anak na malusog at gwapo. Pinatong sa dibdib ko, halos mangiyak-ngiyak ako.” (Welcome to sleepless nights. You’re going to shed some real tears.)

Angelica, asked if there’s a chance she’d marry the child’s father: “’Di na po ako umaasa. Kasi ayoko na rin pong magpakasal sa kanya; sarado na puso ko sa kanya.” (Great—another sperm donor.)

Kylie Padilla, asked if she’d change her religion for the man she loves: “Personally, hindi. Mamamatay po tayong lahat kaya siyempre mas importante ’yung paniniwala sa Diyos.” (Uh, good point?)

Aiza Seguerra, asked if she really wants to have her own child: “Of course… kung pwedeng my own flesh and blood, why not? At least ngayon, ang science advanced na. Marami nang paraan. ’Di na kailangan ang maglasing para may mangyari!” (Good luck with that.)

JULIA Montes

Aiza, asked to choose her baby’s daddy: “Siyempre dapat pogi, matangkad, mabait… siguro pupwede ako kay Derek Ramsay!” (Good choice. Now what?)

Andi Eigenmann, asked if Jake Ejercito inspires her: “He’s always been special to me. He’s a close friend… Ayokong ipilit kung ’di pa naman po pwede.” (Someone grew herself some wisdom.)

Gerald Anderson on why he’s still single: “Ibig sabihin busy pa si God, isinusulat pa niya ’yung love story ko.” (How poetic; makes many women hopeful, too.)

Gerald on rumors that he and Sarah Geronimo never really broke up: “Well, mahirap maghiwalay ’yung hindi naman naging [magkarelasyon].”  (Tough, this is cliché-ish; we believe Gerald.)

Paulo Avelino, asked to confirm if he and LJ Reyes have broken up, walks away from reporter. (That’s a yes, clear as day.)

Regine Velasquez, asked which intrigues still affect her: “Siguro wala na. Kung meron man, ’di ko papayagang maapektuhan ang family ko. As much as I love this industry, pero kung ganun lang din, igi-give up ko na. Mas importante ang pamilya ko.” (Hasn’t she said this many times before? Stop asking already.)

MAXENE Magalona

Maxene Magalona, asked if Renz Fernandez is courting her: “Ay, hindi. Basta he’s a good friend. I enjoy his company, ’Yun lang!” (This is another question we should all stop asking the stars.)

Jodi Santamaria, asked about Jolo Revilla in her life: “I would say that he’s someone special. Hanggang dun na lang po muna.” (Ayan o, ni-rephrase lang.)

Julia Montes, asked about the status of her relationship with Enchong Dee: “Ganun pa rin… friends.” (Kitam?)

Shaina Magdayao on being linked to Diether Ocampo: “Ano ba? Kuya ko si Diet!” (Ano ba!)

(Startalk, The Buzz, with Allan Policarpio, contributor)