Family of sculptures, the god Promiscuous and other boob-tube booboos

HOST: Did you meet interesting people during your trip to the province last week?

Cohost: Oh, so many!

Host: Who impressed you the most?

Cohost: Well, it was really unusual for me to meet a family of sculptures!

(They were that uncommunicative, huh?)

* * *

Host: What’s the latest bulletin on our weather tomorrow?

Cohost: Well, asahan natin na maging maaraw o maulan ang weather natin bukas.

(Make up your mind—please!)

* * *

Host: What are your immediate plans for your singing career?

Guest: I want very much to come up with my first English-speaking album!

(You will also sing in it, we hope!)

Very popular

Host: What are the crimes that you are trying to solve at present?

Guest: Well, very popular ngayon ang mga akyat-bahay gang, so sila ang tinututukan namin.

(They’re far from “popular” in our neighborhood!)

* * *

Host: How many times have you guested with us? You’re one of our favorites!

Guest: Ah, maybe six times? —I’m so happy, it’s been an honored again and again!

(The “honored” is entirely—yours!)

* * *

Host: Are you familiar with our featured dish today, adobo?

Guest: Very familiar—I ate it ever since going up!

(You mean, on the elevator coming up here?)

* * *

Host: What would you like to say to your relatives in the States who are watching us now?

Guest: I especially want to greet oodles to them!

(—Na may kasama pang noodles, doodles and kaboodles, why not?)

Phonographic materials

Host: What do you want to say to the bull-headed movie pirates out there?

Guest: Wala na kayong ligtas. We are intensifying our campaign and drive against all phonographic materials!

(Uh, there’s a world of difference between phono and porno!)

* * *

Host: Were you excited when you met your idol?

Guest: Oh, so much—I got goosebangs!

(—Like the ones that go bump in the night?)

* * *

Host: What are the benefits of taking this new medicine?

Guest: From experience, pinaluluwag niya ang ating mga air packages!

(Ah, please repeat?)

* * *

Host: What did you see in the ruins and park you visited in Greece?

Guest: As you can see in the photo, in the background, that’s the rare statue of the god, Promiscuous!

(Oh, so that’s why he isn’t wearing a fig leaf!)