Ongoings and ingoings, the best champoo and other boob-tube booboos

Some readers have asked for a fresh batch of TV booboos as a “Christmas present.” We’re happy to oblige!:

* * *

Host: Where have your travels taken you thus far in the Philippines?

Guest: Literally, from north to south – sa iba’t ibang bahagi ng bulsa.

(We hope you mean bansa!)

* * *

Host: How do you plan to celebrate the anniversary of your organization?

Guest: Among other plans and activities, we will have a nationwide motorcade.

(Wow! Make sure you have enough gasoline for the trip!)

* * *

Host: How are you making sure that you will bring home the bacon for our country in the international competition?

Guest: I’ve practiced and practiced so hard, I’m sure the judges will gonna like it.

(—Uh, we’re not so sure…)

* * *

Host: Who thought up your family business?

Guest: Ang misis ko ang brainchild ng negosyo namin.

(Baliktad yata…)

***

Host: How did you feel when you played your first starring role?

Guest: I was honored – it was an eye-opening for me!

(Ah, so…)

* * *

Host: What will your new show be about?

Guest: Each week, we will report about the social-cultural ongoings and ingoings of the week.

(Ongoings and ingoings? What the heck do you mean?)

* * *

Host: When you cook fish, what style of cooking is best to bring out the flavor?

Guest: Grilling is best.

Host: OK, which side should we grill first?

Guest: First, the lep side, then the ripe side.

(—Whee!)

* * *

Host: How did you become a leader in your profession?

Guest: Am I? Well, it’s simple – you just have to make a room for others.

(That’s great – if you’re in the construction business!)

* * *

Host: What can you say about your new hair product?

Guest: Panalo ‘to – the best champoo!

(Ah, kaya pala “champion”!)

* * *

Host: Who do you think will be your rivals for the crown in the beauty pageant?

Guest: Actually, so many are beautiful from Europe and other national!

(—Patay.)