Midwides, lately 20s and other boob-tube booboos

ILLUSTRATION BY NASTASHA VERAYO

HOST: WHY are you such a big fan of (name of star)?

Guest: Kasi, ang giling-giling niya talaga!

(Wow, we know what you mean!)

* * *

Host: When did you first realize that you wanted to make movies not just as a hobby, but as your major focus?

Guest: I started late—I was already in my lately 20s.

(Hmm, that’s very late!)

* * *

Host: What do you miss most about your children, who are based abroad?

Guest: Everything! I really regret, kids are growing up slow fast!

(Slow, fast—ano ba talaga, kuya?)

* * *

Host: What is your hospital looking for in terms of added personnel?

Guest: Everything. —Doctors, nurses, midwides—we need them all.

(Midwides? Thin ones can’t apply?)

* * *

Host: Why don’t you trust (notorious colleague)?

Guest: He’s too temperamental—he’s a happy trigger.

(Don’t you mean—trigger-happy?)

* * *

Host: What are the latest developments in your controversial case?

Guest: I’m happy to say that, at long last, the clouds are being separated from the smoke!

(Can you run that by us again—slowly?)

* * *

Host: What do you keep reminding yourself every day?

Guest: That you have to be very careful all the time— even when just crossing the street, you could die!

(Wow, when you put it that way—!)

* * *

Host: With all of the material blessings you have, what’s really important to you?

Guest: Oh, definitely not money—the more important for me is piece of mine!

(Whose piece of which mine—?)

* * *

Host: How can others succeed like you in beauty and fashion?

Guest: Above all, they have to be—fashionate!

(That’s so clever of you!)

* * *

Host: What makes your clientele unique?

Guest: I’m proud to say that my clients are especially income!

(They’re that well-off, huh?)

* * *

Host: How is teaching with the help of computer better than the traditional method?

Guest: Oh, definitely, much faster ang absurd!

(—Ay, absurd.)

* * *

Host: Why do you have a spa in your resort, like the ones in Bali?

Guest: The concept and idea is to give a deep relaxation, aside from the beauty and serene the place.

(—Ano daw?!)