Spectacle of the crowd, voluntary blood donation, and other boob-tube booboos

HOST: Tell us about this new product that you’re promoting?

Endorser: It’s the most amazing skin cream I’ve ever used!

Host: Really? What has it done for your skin?

Endorser: After only two weeks, it has made me look years younger. So, everybody, why don’t you try it? I assure you, it will delay your age!

(Oh, if only that could really happen!)

* * *

Host: What is the latest project of your public service group?

Guest: On Saturday, we will be launching our voluntary blood donation campaign—I hope your viewers will join!

(Voluntary blood donation? —As opposed to what other kind?)

* * *

Host: What’s the latest update on the fire you’re covering?

Field reporter: The way I see it, the fire is not yet contained—so fire!

(—As for you, you’re fired!)

* * *

Host: Why did your father end up in the hospital?

Guest: He suffered many casualties in an accident!

(Many casualties? One per person should be quite sufficient!)

* * *

Host: There are many more crimes now being committed in your place, as per the complaints we get. What will you do to deal with the problem?

Officer: Now that we know, we will intense our efforts!

(Promise, ha?)

* * *

Host: You have been victimized by the suspect for so long. Why did you ask for help from the authorities only now?

Guest: I did not want to be the spectacle of the crowd!

(Do tell!)

* * *

Host: And what will happen if we follow your beauty regimen?

Guest: I assure you, you will have blowing skin!

(Uh, thanks, but we really don’t want that!)

* * *

Host: Why did you replace the head of the agency?

Guest: Because, under his leadership, there was a less outfoot of the organization, and that’s bad!

(“A less outfoot” sounds really bad!)

* * *

Host: Your fashion and décor items are so unique. Where did you import them from?

Guest: All of them are imported from Twisterland!

(—Now that’s a new twist!)

* * *

Host: What will it take to capture the criminals behind the recent robbery in your building?

Guest: First, the raiding team before raiding their gang’s den has to get a church warrant!

(Why, is someone planning to get married?)

* * *

Host: How can we volunteer and pitch in to help in your group’s rehab efforts?

Guest: It’s easy, no problem, everyone is welcome—because so much mas marami, mas magagawa!

(Ah, please translate?))

* * *

Host: The victory of our candidate in the beauty pageant must have made you happy and proud, as a previous finalist.

Guest: Oh, yes, to me it was an affirmation of my lineage, my descent!

(Do tell!)

* * *

Host: Will your relief and donation campaign be distributing down to the barangay level in your flooded town?

Guest: Definitely—but, as for the schedule, we have to consult with the representatives of the each group!

(Ah, OK—we guess?)

* * *

Host: Why do you think your new show was successful?

Guest: Because we did not do what everybody was doing, we worked very hard, and most especially, because we took calculated riks!

(Wow, bravo! —We think?)