Michaelangelo the archangel, hard money and other boob-tube booboos

HOST: With the investigation now being poised against you, are you willing to cooperate with the investigators no matter what?

Guest: No problem—no matter what, basta for the end of justice!

(The end of justice? —What are you saying?)

***

Host: When you have severe problems, what do you do?

Guest: Oh, I pray!

Host: Oh, really? Whom do you pray to?

Guest: Of course, God—but also to Michaelangelo, the archangel.

(—As opposed to his tocayo, Michaelangelo, the similarly famous artist?)

***

Host: What have been some of your sad or bad experiences in show biz?

Guest: Well, it’s no secret that we get a lot of sexual propositions, because as we all know, show biz is a gay-infested industry!

(—What a weird way to put it!)

***

Host: I hear that you might change your line of business next year? When will you decide?

Guest: Well, before the end of the year, I will have to decide will stay, or not will stay.

(Stop talking like a telegram!)

Online business

Host: Is there a lot of money to be made in an online business like yours?

Guest: Of course, as long as you preserve, it’s all yours!

(Preserve? —Oh, persevere!)

***

Host: What do you remember about your late father, how did he help you become what you are now?

Guest: He would give you advices in a way that you need them!

(Ano raw?)

***

Host: How proud are you of your family’s business?

Guest: Very. We put it up alone from the start with our hard money!

(—As opposed to the soft variety?)

***

Host: How do you motivate your students to excel?

Guest: I tell them, as long as they work hard and avoid drugs and other what, before they don’t know, successful na sila!

(Promise, ha?)

***

Host: What is the secret to your appeal to many women?

Guest: I think it’s my baby skin!

(No, it’s your kapal muks!)

***

Host: Of all of your many achievements, what are you proudest of?

Guest: Definitely my being an actor. —It’s my most pride profession!

(Do tell!)

***

Host: What’s the traffic like tonight?

Field reporter: The MMDA reports that, due to the rain, there is a spate of slippery accidents along Edsa.

(Slippery accidents? What’s that?)

***

Host: What are the effects of the floods on average people?

Guest: The floods are wetting away the people!

(Ask a silly question—and you get an even sillier answer!)