Nora Aunor’s generous love as a mother by choice and blood

Nora Aunor and her children, Ian, Lotlot, Matet, Kiko, and Kenneth de Leon. Image: Instagram, @janinegutierrez/Matet and Ian

Despite being a superstar to the world, Nora Aunor was simply a mother to her five children: her biological son Ian and Lotlot, Matet, Kiko, and Kenneth de Leon—who she tried to raise equally as her own to the best of her ability. 

“Our relationship as a family is not perfect. Our mom is a Superstar for all of you. But for us, nanay namin siya (she’s our mother). Mommy. Iba po ang relasyon niya sa inyong lahat (Your relationship with her is different). Iba ang relasyon niya saming mga anak (Her relationship with us her children is different),” said Lotlot in her eulogy after Aunor died of acute respiratory failure on April 16.

Like any other parent, Aunor grappled with the complexities of motherhood, trying to make peace with the “imperfect” relationships she had with her children and her shortcomings while living in a picture-perfect industry.

“Marami akong pagkukulang sa mga anak ko pero ‘pag nagkikita naman kami nasasabi ko ‘yung mga sama ng loob ko sa kanila, pinag-uusapan namin ano ‘yung dapat gawin, nakikinig naman sila (I have many shortcomings as a parent, but when we meet, I try to express my grievances to them. We talk about the things that need to be done, and they listen),” the veteran star opened up to Boy Abunda in 2023.

Aunor once admitted that she took her adoptive children under her wing because she wanted to contribute to the “greater good.”

“Dinadala po sila sa bahay. ‘Yung mga tao, lalung-lalo na ‘yung mga bata na dinadala sa’yo, magi-guilty ka kung hindi mo tatanggapin. Kasi kung mabalitaan, kunwari, hindi mo tinanggap, at nabalitaan mo na hindi maganda ‘yung nangyari sa mga bata, para bang konsensiya mo na bakit hindi mo tinanggap, na kahit papaano ay makakatulong ka nang malaki para sa kanila,” she shared in an interview with Jessica Soho in 2014.

(They were brought to me. The people, especially the children brought to you, you’d feel guilty if you do not accept them. Because if you hear that something bad happened to them, it’s like your conscience will bother you why you did not accept them, when at least you could have helped them a lot.)

While in the past Matet had lashed out in anger at her mother over a business venture, she now said following Aunor’s death that she regretted her harsh words. Matet said the National Artist may not have given birth to four of her children naturally, but Aunor didn’t want her children to be called adopted.

“Ayaw niya, never po niyang ipinaramdam sa amin ‘yan [adopted]. Nalaman po kasi namin ampon kami (We got the information that we were adopted) from the helpers (She didn’t like that, she never made us feel in that way. We only learned about being adopted when the helpers told us),” she told Soho in a recent interview after her mother’s passing.

Complicated relationship with children

Over the years, Aunor and her children made headlines over their “family misunderstandings.” In 2018, the late award-winning actress was notably absent from Lotlot’s wedding to Lebanese businessman Fadi El Soury due to an alleged “silent feud.”

Despite being her only biological son, Ian’s relationship with his mother was also marked by “personal stains.” In 2020, although they reconciled after a long-standing dispute, Ian’s relationship with her mother once again hit a low after she informed him that she would discuss their “past misunderstandings” on her vlog, resulting in Ian’s absence from the birthday party that his mother planned at the time. 

In 2023, Matet and Aunor had a public spat due to a business conflict involving their respective gourmet tuyo (dried fish) enterprise. However, they reconciled, and the former recently admitted that she had regrets about it.

“Palagi [raw] po akong binabanggit ni mommy sa kanila as ‘yung anak niyang sutil. Meron po kaming mga hindi pagkakaintindihan, maraming times na hindi po kami nakakapag-usap. Mga kapatid ko po, nakakausap nila si mommy pero ako po hindi masyado, so kaya ayaw ko pong magsalita dahil I’m still full of regrets,” Matet opened up in her eulogy.

(Mommy always refers to me as her stubborn child. We have misunderstandings, we didn’t communicate for some time. My siblings, they talk to mommy but I don’t, so I don’t want to speak right now because I’m still full of regrets.)

Aunor as a mother

Despite how “rocky” their relationship became in the past, Matet can fondly look back on her mother’s efforts in showing her love.

“There was one time also pinasara niya po ang (she rented) fiesta carnival. As in ‘yung mga staff lang po ang nandoon, staff niya saka kami po (only the staff were there, her staff and then us,” recalled Matet. “Ganon siya ka-generous (She is generous that way),” added Lotlot.

Ian added that their mother knew her children by heart despite being away from home most of the time due to her work.

“Bakit ako pinatawag ng mommy, siguro may ginawa na naman akong kasalanan (Why did mommy call me, maybe I did something wrong again). Pag bukas ko ng pinto (When I opened the door), surprise. Binili niya lahat ng gusto ko (She bought everything I wanted). Alam niya lahat ng gusto namin (She knows everything we want),” he recalled.

Kiko also noted that he never felt that his mother’s love was “performative” even if Aunor was an effective actress.

“Si mommy kapag magkakasama kami ng kami lang hindi siya showbiz, hindi artista, parang ‘yung normal lang na tao and nanay siya. ‘Yung mga moments na ganon ayun ang pinakamahalaga samin,” he said.

(When we’re together, mommy is not showbiz, not an actress, she’s just a normal person and a mother. Those moments are the most important to us.)

At home, Aunor was simply described as a “disciplinarian” who craved affection from her children from time to time.

“Napakalambing po niya (She is very affectionate) as a mom, saka ‘yung din ang hinahanap niya samin (and that is what she is looking for from us). Gusto niya ng lambing (She wants affection) from us, whenever she has time off from work,” Matet once recalled in an interview on “I Witness” in 2017.

Following Aunor’s passing, Lotlot vowed to uphold her mother’s legacy alongside her siblings. /edv