Ryza Cenon. Image: Screengrab from YouTube/TicTALK with Aster Amoyo
[Trigger Warning: mention of suicide]
Ryza Cenon opened up about her postpartum depression, as well as her past mental health struggles, saying that painting helped her overcome these episodes.
Speaking to veteran entertainment journalist Aster Amoyo, Cenon did not shy away from saying that she has long been suffering from severe depression, aggravated by her strained relationship with her father, and her independent lifestyle.
When she gave birth to her son Night in October 2020 at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, she said her depression crept up on her and the thought of being a mother was overwhelming.
“Bumalik ‘yung depression ko after kong manganak. Nagkaroon po ako ng postpartum. Gan’un din po. Every time kapag pumunta ako ng CR habang maliligo, iiyak ako,” she said.
(My depression returned after giving birth. I had postpartum. I experienced the same thing. Every time I would go to the restroom, I would burst into tears while bathing.)
She said her mental health struggles has been bothering her as early as when she was in her teens.
In the interview, Cenon recalled that at 17, she already had feelings of extreme sadness that led her to thoughts of self-harm. At that time, she was just starting out in show business, having just joined the second season of “Starstruck” on GMA where she emerged as the Ultimate Female Survivor.
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The actress said she endured her depression alone as she was wont to keeping to herself and did not want to bother her grandmother who was then living with her.
“Dahil siguro mag-isa lang ako na hinaharap ko lahat. That time po kasi, as in independent lang ako. Nasa bahay lang po ako mag-isa. Kasama ko po ang lola ko. Pero siyempre, matanda na ang lola ko so kung may problema ako, hindi ko naman po sasabihin sa kanya ‘yun kasi iisipin niya nang iisipin ‘yun,” she recalled.
“Kinekeep ko na lang sa sarili ko lahat hanggang sa nagkaroon ako ng depression,” she further added.
(Perhaps, it is because I was going through these alone. At that time, I was independent. I was alone at home with my lola. Of course, my lola is already old and I didn’t want to tell her my problems. I didn’t want her to think about it. I kept it to myself until I developed depression.)
Ryza Cenon during the premiere night of “Lilim.” Image: Facebook/Viva Artists Agency
The actress did not say if she has been seeking treatment for her depression. To overcome her mental health struggles, Cenon said that she had taken up painting as a hobby.
In a previous interview with INQUIRER, she said her art in her first years as artist were dark because it was her state of mind when she was painting.
When asked why she came to a dark period of her life, Cenon said she didn’t know where this feeling is coming from. She surmised it had to do with having no one to lean on since her mother died when she was only three.
“Hindi ko po alam. Kine-question ko rin ang sarili ko. Ang hirap labanan ang sariling monsters sa utak. Masyado pong malakas ng akin. Ang lakas po niya akong bulungan or minsan, kontrolin. ‘Yung first depression ko po, ang naging outlet ko ang painting,” she now told Amoyo.
“Wala po akong parang nanay na masasandalan o mahihingan ng advice. ‘Tama po ba itong ginagawa ko bilang nanay? Ganito ang pagpapalaki sa anak ko, ganyan.’ Walang ganoon. Bagsak na bagsak po ako noong time na ‘yun noong pandemic,” she continued.
(I didn’t know. I questioned myself. It’s hard to fight the monsters in my head. Mine were too strong. Their whispers were too loud and would sometimes control me. Painting became my outlet during my first depression. I didn’t have a mother to lean on or ask for advice. “Am I doing okay as a mom? This is how I raise my child,” something like that. I was really down during the pandemic.)
“Ito ang tinatatak ko [sa aking puso]. Hindi ko pwedeng sirain ang buhay ko dahil lang ganito ang past ko kasi at the end of the day, ako lang babalikan n’un,” she further said.
(This is what I have told myself: I cannot self-destruct just because of my past. Because at the end of the day, it will just come to haunt me.)
Cenon is in a five-year relationship with cinematographer Miguel Cruz.
The actress recently starred in the horror film “Lilim” and is one of the supporting characters in the drama “Lumuhod Ka Sa Lupa.”