Ruffa Gutierrez allows daughters to talk to their estranged father Yilmaz after a decade
Ruffa Gutierrez (center) with daughters Venice (left) and Lorin
Actress Ruffa Gutierrez believes that the pain and trauma currently felt by her daughters Lorin and Venice as a result of being estranged from their father, Turkish national Yilmaz Bektas, will slowly disappear once they start communicating with him.
This was why Ruffa recently arranged for them to talk with their father for the first time since they left Turkey to stay in the Philippines over a decade ago. The result was an incident that’s both “touching” and “hopeful,” according to the mom.
“I’ve always known that the girls feel hurt. That can’t be avoided, even though I never talked ill of their father in front of them. I was there when Venice and Yilmaz talked for the very first time. Hagulgol si Venice. I realized that the pain is still there, so I’m hoping that one day, they will be reunited,” she told reporters during the launch of her hygiene product brand Gutz & Glow by Ruffa Gutierrez on Monday afternoon.
Communication
“It happened during the Holy week. The sister of Yilmaz sent me a message to say Yilmaz had dreamt of Venice the night before and that he was asking if he could talk with her. I told Venice and she got quite upset, but she still asked to give him her number. She said, ‘Mommy, I’m already 17 and I think it’s about time that we have a direct communication,’” recalled Ruffa.
“What was touching was that Venice’s personality had always been hard and strong, but when her father said, ‘Hi Venice! How are you?’ She broke down. That’s when I really saw the pain. I think that the more they are able to communicate with their dad, the faster the pain will disappear. Venice said, ‘Where have you been all this time? How come you haven’t seen us? You kept making promises but you never lived up to them. When are we going to see you?’ Yilmaz answered, ‘I have my reasons I can’t see you there. I’ve been telling your mom to let you go to Istanbul.’”
Ruffa explained that she didn’t want her daughters to fly to Istanbul when they were younger because she didn’t think they’d be safe there. “We couldn’t agree on where he could meet the kids. Before, I was really scared that they’d get kidnapped in Istanbul or whatever, but now that they’re adults—Lorin is turning 19 soon and Venice, 18—maybe it’s already OK, especially if they can go with someone older than them. I will have to talk with the kids. After all, he’s still their dad,” the actress said.
Grateful
Ruffa is convinced that her failed relationship with Yilmaz has also traumatized their children. “I’m sure of it. While their father has already been out of my life for many years now, they would sometimes see me cry because of him. If ever they’re also experiencing trauma, they’re mature enough to know that life goes on; that their mom and their grandparents are here to love them wholeheartedly. Maybe when they finally see their dad, all the pain and trauma will finally go away.”
Ruffa pointed out that the phone conversation was only between Yilmaz and Venice. “Lorin still didn’t want to talk with him. She said, ‘Does he even know I’m already in college? Mommy, he should pay you because you’re working so hard for us.’ She’ll talk with him when she’s ready. As for me, I’m just grateful that I have work. It’s not easy to be a single working mom. I’m just happy because I was given the opportunity to take care of my kids on my own,” the 47-year-old said.
This was why, Ruffa said, she decided to launch her own line of hygienic products. “This is something outside of the industry and has something to do with beauty. I think it’s high time for me to be involved in a business and create something that will last forever. Let’s face it, I’m not going to be in show biz forever. I even said that once I’m 50 years old, which is still a few years from now, I plan to get married to myself as a sign of women empowerment. I want to believe that I don’t need a man in my life; that if I have one, it’s because I want him in my life, not because I need him. When I reach 50, I just want to enjoy life and feel relaxed,” she said.
“Right now, I’m very grateful and content, especially with everything that we’ve experienced this last couple of years. That was really a challenge. The situation changed the way I viewed things. During the whole pandemic, I only made use of three pairs of slippers. I also didn’t use a lot of my luxury bags. To me, they’re not important, although it still feels good to be able to own material possessions. The things we used to take for granted, such as good health and bonding time with family, are now the things that matter most to us.”
