HOST: If I want you to design a sofa for my house, how do I go about it?
Guest: First, you have to tell me what you want, like is it softly or hardly covered?
(Ah, come again?)
* * *
Host: What will the weather be like tomorrow?
Weatherman: Tomorrow, it will be fair weather for the country—except for some showers in the south, especially in Mindeny.
(Mindeny? —Where’s that? —You said it, don’t deny it!)
* * *
Host: If I want to be a star, what should I do?
Guest: You have to prepare yourself and your talents really well, before you can get on the show biz door!
(Ah, I want to go through that door, not on it!)
* * *
Host: How do you feel about your decision to try your luck in show biz in the States? It’s a big move!
Guest: Well, parang mixed emotions—may excitement, kasama ng konting lungkot.
(Yeah, we guess that’s what is meant by “mixed emotions”!)
***
Host: As a new actor, what are you prepared to do for your director?
Guest: Anything. —Everything!
Host: Like what, for example?
Guest: In a slap, paiiyakin mo ako, kaya ko!
(Slap him, quick!)
***
Field reporter: Ang lindol ay isang malagim na kabanata sa buhay ng mga nakatira sa lugar na ito. Ito’y nagdulot ng malaking pinsala sa kabuhayan at kamatayan!
(No comment!)
***
Host: When do you practice with your new band?
Guest: As often as I can find time. But most of the time, after my work sa trabaho.”
(Wow, work na, trabaho pa!)
***
Host: When you eat steak in a good restaurant, how do you like your steak cooked—rare, medium or well-done?
Guest: Oh, I like it well-rare!
(—Make up your mind!)
***
Host: What do you want to say to your critics who accuse you of so many crimes?
Guest: Well, if they have proof, they should come out with hard evidence, so that files can be charged in court!
(—Ah, baliktad yata?)
***
Host: How can there finally be peace in Mindanao?
Guest: The Army has to be more active—dapat salakayin nila ang mga layer ng MILF!
(Salakayin ang mga layer? —Oh, ang mga lair!)
***
Host: How often do you ride the jeepney?
Guest: Minsan sa isang linggo, limang araw.
(—Ah, is that the new math?)