The duel … er, duet

E-mail to a distraught relative: “Quit fussing. When everyone has forgotten what Phillip Phillips’ sounded like, they will remember Jessica Sanchez’s historic, palate-shattering duet (duel?) with Jennifer Holliday. I think the girl was thus still high on endorphins when the winner’s name was read and it wasn’t hers. Either that, or she had developed a mind-altering crush on him. In any case … she’s very likely looking at a future career as bright as Jennifer Hudson’s, who finished seventh in 2004 or, in the very least, Adam Lambert’s, who lost to whatshisname.”