KITSCH AND RIHANNA. Our planet’s survival is in their hands in Berg’s “Battleship.”
MANILA, Philippines – Battleship’s big guns bring a lot of boom for your buck.
This movie, which got its inspiration from the pen-and-pencil game of the same name created way back in the 1930’s by Hasbro, the same maker of Transformers, is a thrilling visual masterpiece that will blow you away.
Viewers can expect to see the newest generation of battleships in the United States fleet, armed with the latest weapons, as well as the old generation of naval battle behemoths as they square off with high-tech advanced alien warships.
The advanced humanoid alien race, believed to be from an Earth-like planet named “Planet G” in a nearby solar system, travelled to Earth in five high-tech warships after receiving signals from a powerful communications array in Hawaii.
One of their warships, believed to be a communications ship, crash against one of Earth’s satellites in orbit and fall out of control into Hong Kong, destroying a number of buildings and causing widespread panic. The four other warships fall into the Pacific Ocean near Hawaii where a multi-national naval military exercise was taking place.
From that point on, it’s a naval chess game as both sides utilize every tactic and strategy of naval warfare that they know. Battle in the high seas is portrayed as slow-paced and more calculated unlike terrestrial or aerial combat where high-speed machines engage in adrenaline-pumping chases or dogfights.
The visual effects and computer graphics are sure to satisfy hardcore movie buffs and casual movie goers alike, but the story and acting leave much to be desired.
Some very basic information about the invading aliens, such as who they were, why they were here on earth, what they wanted, were never disclosed. The answers are most likely lost amidst all the flash and smoke of exploding cannons.
Another aspect about the aliens that was never clear was that they won’t kill humans outright. In many scenes, an alien clad in a metallic armor suit, would threateningly come towards a human, see and analyze him, then walk past as if he were a lamp post.
In another close encounter scene, one human was found by an alien stealing a satellite phone inside a closed brief case. He was nervously shaking as the alien approached him, and then places a metal hand on the brief case to stop the shaking. The human gets away and the audience is left wondering what happened.
A few first person shots from inside the aliens’ helmets during these encounters shows them analyzing the eyes and then changing their color label from red to green, probably seeing the human as benevolent. It’s the same when the aliens see a human battleship and analyze its guns, after which it is labelled red. At this point, it brings out its guns.
Even though the aliens appear to be vastly superior in technology and strength, they never seemed to have taken advantage of it. Their armor is completely bullet-proof and their “shredder spheres” can fly and destroy anything it comes into contact with. Their warships had the humans’ boats within sight countless times and yet did not immediately destroy them.
Some scenes are an extreme exercise of artistic license. In the climactic face-off between the decommissioned American battleship, USS Missouri, and the alien’s primary warship, the Missouri performs a naval maneuver that is likely to get into an episode of Discovery Channel’s Mythbusters.
The Missouri, heading full speed straight towards the alien ship, points all its guns to the right, turns left and then drops its front left anchor causing the entire ship to come to a full stop and to pivot like a door to the right. It then unleashes a barrage of cannon fire against the alien ship which is now in its kill zone. Try a maneuver like that in real life and you are more likely to end up with miles of destroyed coral reefs.
Most of the time, it’s the actors’ decisions that seem irrational, like when Lieutenant Hopper, played by Taylor Kitsch, decides to ram the alien warships head on just minutes after becoming captain because the aliens killed the original captain during their initial attack. He relents only after much convincing from one crew member that many sailors from the other destroyed ships were in the water and needed to be rescued.
Rihanna’s acting in her motion-picture debut is not likely to win any Oscars but was passable. A few actors managed to shine beneath the smoke and destruction such as Liam Neeson as Navy Admiral Shane with his hard as stone disposition being the leader of the Navy and Gregory D. Gadson as Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales, an amputee whose outlook in life has grown dark.
Funny moments illicit a few laughs in the movie, such as when the USS Missouri, which is now a relic, was taken out of retirement with a little help from old war veterans, who were the only ones that knew how to operate an outdated battleship. The audience may also find themselves chuckling at a scene where the crew manually carried a single cannon ammunition from one side of the ship to the other, but didn’t break a rib over it.
At the end of the movie, the audience might find themselves in the middle of a large crater devoid of answers. Battleships’ loud booms and bright flashes will awe the audience, but after the movie, all that is left is a cloud of smoke that dissipates into thin air.