Birthday salivation, periodic dreams and other boob-tube booboos

SOME readers have asked for “an appropriate Easter fix” of smiles and chuckles. Happy to oblige!:

* * *

Host: What will you and your family do on Holy Week?

Guest: We will go to the beach for swimming—and, kung kaya namin, fasting.

(—Sana nga, kaya niyo!)

* * *

Host: Invite them to your show, why don’t you?

Guest: Oh, yes, please buy tickets to our show, kahit medyo sold out na.

(Ah, huwag na lang kaya?)

* * *

Host: Now that you’re a dad, what has changed in your plans for the future?

Guest: Now, I’m more mature and responsible, I just want to help my son sure his future!

(Are you—sure?)

* * *

Host: How do you save money in this hard economy?

Guest: Mahilig akong makatipid by the way na bumibili ako ng appliances na bago pero segunda mano.

(Wow, galing mo, ha?)

* * *

Host: Did you always want to be a star?

Guest: I don’t say always, but it was a periodic dream.

(Do tell!)

* * *

Host: How’s your girlfriend now?

Guest: She’s great! She’s salivating her birthday this week. Happy birthday, hon!

(—And, salivate away!)

* * *

Host: Talk to us about your brother—how was he as you were growing up?

Guest: Lagi niya akong binubugbog—you know, brotherly stuff.

(No comment!)

* * *

Host: How do you feel about your movie getting into an international film festival?

Guest: Siyempre  masaya, kasi ’pag sinabing international, sina Leonardo DiCaprio, you know, wow!

(—Ah, let’s not get carried away, shall we?)

* * *

Host: How much do you love your girlfriend?

Guest: I’m hand over hills in love with her!

(That much, huh?)

* * *

Host: How many stores do you have now?

Guest: We have a national-wide chain coverage now, and even other national!

(Ano raw?)

* * *

Host: Tell us about your next show.

Guest: It’s something different, with a lot of comedy, for a change.

Host: Will you be doing standup, slapstick?

Guest: Yes, as a matter of that!

(—As a matter of—what?)