Zingers and stingers for movie titles

WHEN we participate in media fora in schools or for socio-civic clubs and other organizations (call 564-8370), we “entertain” all sorts of questions from members of the audience. It’s a good way for us to get a feel of what interests and concerns viewers today, the better for us to share the updated feedback with radio-TV-film people later on.

While we do get thoughtful and even provocative queries, we’re struck by the number of “gossip-related” questions we get from viewers: Is so-and-so really gay? Is Sharon really the Queen of Plastic? (No, but our Tita Paquita literally is—her husband’s factory makes plastic products.) Who’s sleeping with whom? (Why, everybody, including our Tita Paquita and Tito Chiquito!) Did Boots Anson-Roa really have her babies via Immaculate Conception? (Uh, not if Pareng Pete had anything to say on the subject!)

—Fans can get really spaced-out sometimes, huh?—Blame it on all that glitzy, ersatz stardust they inhale!

But, the craziest request we got last month was framed this kinky-winky way: “My friends and I love playing charades, but we’ve run out of really far-out movie titles to zap the competition with. Can you help?”

—Well, we sure can! We don’t really include it in our curriculum vitae, but one of the unofficial “titles” we hold is our once having been “crowned” the Charades King of Cagayan de Oro City. The Charades Queen was our feisty Tita Carmen Paradies Barker, who once knocked a hapless burglar out cold with her flashlight—but, that’s another story.

Supply

Anyway, yes, dear questioners, we do have some really “far-out” (as in way out in outer space) movie titles with which to replenish your depleted supply of cinematic zingers. Ready or not, here we go:

When we were Charades King, one of the most discombobulating weapons in our arsenal was “Oh Dad, Poor Dad, He’s Kept Me In The Closet and I’m Feeling So Sad.” —Got that?

Another guaranteed opposition-stumper was “Rape of the Sabine Women”—especially when the members of the other team had to graphically act it out. Then, there’s the trusty “Dr. Strangelove,” or, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb.”

Also guaranteed to confuse, confound and ultimately defeat are local movie titles, some of which are real lulus. Are you ready for these zingers and  stingers?

“Omar Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” “The Man from A.N.K.L.A.” “Machine Gun Johnny and the Sexy Queen.” “El Pinoy Tom Jones.” “Pinokyo en Little Snow White.” “Toro, Tora, Toray.” “Binili Ko Ang Aking Asawa.” “Huwag Mong Angkinin Ang Asawa Ko!” “Inay, Siya Ay Akin.” “Inagawan Ako ng Aking Ama.” “Karioka Etchos de America.” “Dirty Hari.” “The Pig Boss.” “Sa Jeepney Ang Hirap—Sa Goodtime Ang Sarap.” “Tulak ng Bibig, Kabig ng Dibdib.” “Ako’y Tao, May Dugo at Laman.” “Kung Bakit May Tinik Ang Mga Rosas.”

And, the runaway champion of them all? “Agent Silencer at Ang Pitong Brassieres”!