When Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore, prompting her to call off their May-November union, he probably didn’t know that it would be the last straw, the last stab in the heart and psyche that would push his mature partner over the edge, into the black whirlpool and quicksand of depression, rejection, despair and utter loss of self-worth.
But that’s exactly what’s happened, shocking everyone in an especially discombobulating way, because just a year ago, the Demi-Ashton union was being heralded as the shining hope and wave of the future, when love and life would be liberated from the limitations of appropriate age and chronological compatibility.
Yes, Demi was some 15 years older than her young inamorato, but she certainly didn’t look it. Yes, he was initially her boy toy, but after he grew a beard and established himself as a matinee idol in his own right, age really did become just a number.
But Demi’s total capitulation to depression and despair has reminded everyone, including the most optimistic cougars and boy toys out there, that if they blithely refuse to acknowledge the laws of chronology and gravity—and their attendant gravitas—those inexorable laws will end up playing a number on them.
Even as Demi contends with her dark demons (and Ashton wrestles with his demonic guilt?), other courageous cougars out there are having second thoughts about their own May-October, November or December liaisons with guys young enough to be their grandsons.
In the movies, even mismatched lovers live happily ever after. In the real world, after the house lights are switched back on, the physical wrinkles and wattles show—and they can’t be Photoshopped or Star-Filtered away.
So, what has all this got to do with you, me and Demi? It seems to remind us all that happiness is the shortest distance between what you want and what you can really, truly get.
Lindsay’s biggest challenge
On the other hand, the good news on the celebrity rehab row is that, after an agonizing number of slips and flips, Lindsay Lohan may finally be getting her own drug and depression-fraught act together. The former child star who spent years struggling to confront her own psychological monsters has finally gotten some good breaks that could enable her to stage a solid comeback later this season.
The first is a prized hosting stint on “Saturday Night Live,” the iconic comedy show that has been producing topnotch “graduates” for the past 35 years.
The second golden opportunity to come Lindsay’s way this month is an offer for her to play no less than the beautiful and glamorous Elizabeth Taylor in a TV movie about the passionate relationship between Liz and Richard Burton.
Lindsay as Liz may eventually seem like a stretch, but the troubled but still gifted young actress could pull it off. The biggest challenge in her acting career could just be the golden opportunity to turn her career—and life—around.