Far for the course, summery executions and other boob-tube booboos

illustration by nastasha verayo-de villa

Host: What advice can you share about how you handle your disappointments in life with our viewers! They are facing problems from day to day. —What should they do?

Guest: First, you should expect problems—that’s life! You should just be ready to face and solve them. Problems are just far for the course.

( Thanks for the advice. Just don’t go on a golf course, OK?)

***

Host: Do you still hope to fall in love and get married, even after your sad breakups?

Guest: Oh, of course! You keep learning from your experiences. Love takes a lot of time to fester, you know?

(When you put it that way—yuck!)

***

Host: What is your wish for our country this year?

Guest: With our new administration, I just hope and pray that we have mga Filipino na buhay!

(—Hey, what does that make the rest of us—chopped liver?)

***

Host: What do you have to say to your former students and graduates?

Guest: I’m so pride in all of you!

(Ah, teacher—teach thyself?)

***

Host: What worries you about the headlines and breaking news you read these days?

Guest: These days, I’m so worried about all the summery executions.

(—Thank God, the rains are coming!)

***

Host: What is your advice to singers who  want to become better performers?

Guest: They have to give their all! Their performances have to be what you call

—agaw-buhay!

(No, we call them buwis-buhay. Agaw-buhay is pushing things too far!)

***

Host: Where were you born? Did you have a happy childhood?

Guest: I was born in the province, so I did not.

(—Hey, many probinsyanos would disagree with you on that general “rule!”)

***

Host: Thank you for sharing that moving story from your childhood.

Guest: You’re welcome.

Host: It was so emotional, it made me glassy-eyed!

(Ah, you mean “teary-eyed,” don’t you?)

***

Host: What can you say about the former mayor?

Guest: He had a good program, but the targets were not being hitted!

(No good, huh?)

***

Host: So, what changes are you making?

Guest: Our programs are more easy to hitted, because they are now more interlocketed!

(—We give up!)