HOST: WHY are you so mad at this particular candidate?
Guest: He doesn’t know how to behave! A public official is expected to be crutches and polite!
(Crutches? Crutches? —Oh, courteous and polite!)
* * *
Host: As you go around the campaign trail, what have you noticed about the reactions of the people you meet?
Guest: The way they talk, I think in many voters’ minds, by now, they have already made up!
(—What does makeup have to do with voting?)
* * *
Host: What can you say to the other reform-minded people out there?
Guest: We cannot do it one by one. We have to unite our efforts to shave the world!
(Shaving the world? That’s a tall order!)
* * *
Host: Who among the many starlets out there in show biz this year do you think has a bright future?
Guest: I’m not sure, but I think one of the promising ones is—Elbo Magalona?
(—Well, at least he didn’t say “elbow macaroni!”)
* * *
Host: What are the don’ts in your resort—ano ang bawal?
Guest: Bawal ang foods and deadly weapons!
(—Not necessarily in that order?)
* * *
Host: What don’t you like about the guys who are courting you?
Guest: Oh, so many of them, just to get you, they are lying in their teeth!
(Quote, unquote!)
* * *
Host: What is your advice to voters on May 9?
Guest: Mag-isip muna ang mga butanding bago bumoto!
(Paano pumasok ang mga butanding dito? —Oh, botante!)
* * *
Host: What caused your recent breakup with (name of starlet)?
Guest: Oh, it was just some shorts of miscommunication.
(—How short were the miscommunicating shorts?)
* * *
Host: When are you planning to propose to your girlfriend?
Guest: I think this coming Valentimes!
(—How many “times?”)
* * *
Host: Why did you close this particular deposit of yours in (name of bank)?
Guest: I had to—it was a doormat account!
(Did you use it to wipe your feet on?)