SOME FANS of “Boob-Tube Booboos” have asked us to come out with new compilations more regularly—like once a month? Here, to start 2016 on a lighthearted note, is our “inadvertent TV humor” collection for January:
Host: What are some of the things you most want to do while you’re still strong enough?
Veteran celebrity: This year, I will dare to go body jumping!
(We hope you mean bungee jumping—that, at least, requires you to wear a safety harness!)
* * *
Host: How did you feel when you met (name of Hollywood star)?
Guest: Honestly, it was such a thrill—na-star shock ako!
(You do mean starstruck, don’t you?)
* * *
Host: Did you have a difficult childhood?
Guest: Yes, I had to work at a very young age, so I had no time to play. —I was the family bedwinner!
(Ah, exactly how many beds did you have to win?)
* * *
Host: Why did you decide to retire this early?
Guest: Because I felt too much stress at work and too much pollution in the city. It was time for me to commute with nature!
(You mean commune—we hope?)
***
Host: What is your pet advocacy?
Guest: I want to help animals—but I don’t really have the time.
(—Uh, talk to us again when you actually find it!)
* * *
Host: Why do you think your new TV show has become popular?
Guest: Because people are now ready for it, they are now more sophisticating!
(—Uh, please translate?)
* * *
Host: What is your advice to people living near the sea during bad weather?
Guest: For small fishermen, when they hear storm warning, huwag na muna pumalangaw!
(—Ano daw?)
***
Host: We hear that you are a very demanding boss?
Guest: I admit it, that’s how I push my people to do their best—by breeding down their necks!
(—And, they welcome such familiarity?!)
* * *
Host: You are successful in the movies, but have you ever thought of having your own TV show? —What kind of show would it be?
Guest: If I will gonna have a TV show, cooking na lang, siguro.
(—Uh, why don’t you work on your speaking and hosting skills first?!)