unanimouse illustration by steph bravo
Have a “laugh out loud” New Year and a fun-filled 2016, dear readers! This compilation of TV boners and groaners is our special buena mano treat for you!
Host: Your political career has had some problems this year. Why?
Guest: Oh, that’s the life of any politician. Sometimes you have triumphs, sometimes you have sexbacks—oops!
(Like, right now, huh?)
* * *
Host: How did the judging in your contest go? Was the winner a popular choice?
Guest: Oh, yes, it was unanimouse!
(All the mice were happy, huh?)
* * *
Host: How do you manage to survive and succeed in your very tough and competitive field—what’s the secret?
Guest: The secret is easy. You just have to kick your eyes open.
(That isn’t easy, that’s painful!)
* * *
Host: What is your advice to parents to keep their children safe and healthy?
Guest: Because of the more dangerous times now, mga parents diyan, ang mga anak n’yong maliit—huwag n’yo masyadong pabayaan!
(Pabayaan ng konti, OK lang?)
* * *
Host: How did you feel when you won the award? Share the moment with us naman.
Guest: Oh, I was so humbly proud and grateful!
(Isn’t that a contradiction?)
* * *
Host: How did the operation of your brother go?
Guest: Salamat naman, naging successful ang cataract!
(No comment.)
* * *
Host: Do you still go home to your province to visit your relatives?
Guest: Yes, every now again.
(Ah, it’s every now and then?)
* * *
Host: Do you advise our viewers to invest in stocks this year?
Guest: Yes, but just a few to start with—if you are not selective, you may not be able to recuperate your investment.
(—And then, you’d have to go to the hospital to—recover?)
* * *
Host: How good were your company’s profits last year?
Guest: Oh, wonderful—
better than expecter!
(Uh, please pass the expectorant…?)
* * *
Host: Did you have a difficult childhood?
Guest: Yes, I ran away from home.
Host: Oh? What was the problem?
Guest: I had a family.
Host: Huh? —But you were still a child, how could you have a family already?
Guest: No, I had a family problem.
(Grrr!)