Desperate performer crashes Christmas party

It’s the most wonderful time of the year again; it’s the season of generosity and endless partying.

Desperate Performer heard of a splashy gathering of industry bigwigs. DP crashed the bash and pretended to be part of the lineup of entertainers.

Out of embarrassment, organizers allowed DP to go onstage. Unstoppable DP, however, told a fib in public, pretending to be a good decade younger.

Unfortunately, a Former Schoolmate was in the audience. FS was certain DP was much, much older.

File under A for awkward.

From nervy to nervous

Flamboyant Celebrity used to be bold and brash, mocking rivals with impunity.

FC, however, was hit by a series of career setbacks. According to insiders, FC is now getting paranoid.

FC is worried sick that karma would present the ultimate comeuppance. That FC’s current cash cow would die a quick and unlamented death.

Now, FC will know just how it feels to be publicly humiliated.

Outsider

Gorgeous Insider is still considered an “outsider” by most members of Long-Suffering Partner’s clan.

When the family confronted a raging issue, GI tried to maintain a safe distance.

GI, however, couldn’t stay away for long. GI needs to protect Vulnerable Relatives whose interests are also at stake.

Meek GI is one tough warrior and can surely tussle with the best (and worst) of them.

Touch me not

Gifted Entertainer reportedly told Beauty Expert to steer clear of certain facial features.

It was not because GE was extra-confident that said assets didn’t need enhancement.

GE is scared that a recent plastic surgery would be exposed if BE was not gentle in applying cosmetics.

Like GE, Stunning Starlet instructed Screen Partner not to touch specific body parts.

SS explained those areas were still sore from liposuction treatments.

For love or money?

From the Inquirer tabloid Bandera:

Handsome Hunk is no longer as young and desirable as before.

In dire financial straits, HH hooked up with Powerful Insider to further his flagging career.

HH was suddenly deluged with all sorts of offers.

Although HH gave Cantankerous Girlfriend all she wanted in life, she still refused to share him with a rich benefactor.

CG soon dumped HH, who chose money over love.

Top of the talk shows

For those who missed last weekend’s gabfests on TV. (And why we are moved, if we are moved.)

Dingdong Dantes on Maria Letizia, his first baby with Marian Rivera: “Mas kamukha ni Marian, lalo na ang ilong.” (Theme song: “Beautiful Girl.”)

Dingdong on being a father: “I witnessed a miracle. I saw her sa paglabas niya at narinig ko ang una n’yang pag-iyak. Isa sa pinaka-precious moment ng buhay ko.” (All together now: “May himala!”)

Sam Milby on dedicating his latest concert to his fans: “Nang dumating ako dito, wala akong alam na Filipino word at all… To think that after 10 years, I’m still here, and I’m very blessed.” (Again, again: “May himala!”)

Andi Eigenmann on why he calls Jake Ejercito the father of her daughter, Ellie: “If people think that he’s the biological father, eh ’di siya. Siya rin naman ang nandiyan, e. Basta hindi kasali ’yung isa.” (Theme song: “Papa, Can You Hear Me?”)

Andi, asked if there’s chance that she and Jake would get back together: “Nobody knows. But sa ngayon, no. I’m happy with my life now.” (“Alone Again, Naturally.”)

Robin Padilla on supporting Rodrigo Duterte for President: “Kung Davao City, ganu’n kalaki, e naayos niya, kayang-kaya niya ang Pilipinas.” (Size matters to him.)

Marc Pingris, also on Duterte: “Mawawala ang corruption dito.” (Uh-oh.)

Nora Aunor on supporting Sen. Grace Poe: “Dapat tularan ng mga nasa gobyerno.” (Guy found her gal.)

Zoren Legaspi, also on Senator  Poe: “Isa sa criteria ko ay kung sino ang pinaka-honest.” (Sing-along time: “Honesty is such a lonely word.”)

Ai-Ai delas Alas on supporting Vice President Jejomar Binay: “Mabuting tao si VP, kaya full support ako.” (À la Pepe Smith: “Veep-veep-veep!”)

Dawn Zulueta on her decision not to endorse a candidate: “We will just have to reserve our opinions until the end, kasi mahirap, ayaw naming makasakit ng damdamin.” (No comment.)

Sarah Geronimo on why she stopped endorsing political hopefuls: “Marami akong natutunan nung mga panahong nag-e-endorse ako ng ’di lang isa, dalawa, tatlo—sabay-sabay ’yun! Minsan, may magkaiba pang party. So sabi ko, hindi tama ’to!” (Walang theme song ito.)

Francis Libiran on the kind of gown Pauleen Luna wants for her wedding with Vic Sotto: “She wants something simple and classic; dainty and elegant.” (Definitely not something old, borrowed and blue?) 24 Oras, TV Patrol