When ex-spouses meet–as two women

LAST Monday, we watched one of the most unusual “reality TV” telecasts we’ve seen this year, “I Am Cait,” the new show of the former Bruce Jenner, now the “transgender” woman, Caitlyn Jenner. We’ve caught other telecasts of the show before, but last Nov. 23’s installment was decidedly much more dramatic than usual, because it featured—a “confrontation” between Caitlyn and Bruce’s ex-wife, Kris Jenner!

It appeared that they were both hurting, for different reasons, which is why their (long-delayed) confrontation was exceedingly painful.

Caitlyn was hurt because he wasn’t invited to their daughter’s graduation, while Kris felt that they had not yet achieved closure despite their divorce, because her ex-husband had said some things about her in his long interview for Vanity Fair magazine that (in her view) painted her in a bad light.

All of these thoughts and feelings had been left unsaid for too long a time, so they had been exacerbated even more—hence, the explosive confrontation!

It was a really emotionally charged and seething exchange of charges and countercharges, and both Kris and Cait came to tears (thankfully, not to blows!).

Bitterness, hurt

In the end, some of the bitterness and hurt still remained, but both “combatants” were glad that they had finally “released” the negative thoughts and feelings that they had kept to themselves for so long.

And they parted with the expressed hope that they could become friends. They needed to do so for the sake of their children

—and the happy years they had spent together as a hetero married couple, before Bruce had to address his secret “issue,” and he finally had to step aside and give way—to Caitlyn!

CAITLYN Jenner

Viewers watched agog as the former couple, now both female, tried to forge a new and healthy relationship from the bitter ashes of the past. But, even as nonparticipants, we emphatically learned a lot from the gender-conflicted confrontation we had witnessed:

First, it proved that honesty with one’s self and others is essential to decisive problem-solving. Even the most confounding and complicated issues can be sorted out if they are rigorously and courageously addressed by all the parties involved.

Next, gender conflicts can be much more confoundingly complex than initially perceived. In Bruce’s case, he swore that, before his self-initiated gender change, he indubitably was male and macho in his sexual urges, despite others’ suspicion that he was gay.

From his example, we’ve learned that male cross-dressers are not necessarily homosexuals—it’s another psychological bone of contention entirely.

On Kris’ part, the situation is no less complicated and daunting. It must be a stunningly challenging experience to see the man you shared sensual intimacy and children with now facing you as a woman!

And yet, Kris strove mightily to accept the unexpected change as her “new normal”—while still remembering how they once loved each other. They now have to find new ways to still love one another—in a totally different context!

What do we do with this new information? Our lives may not be as exotic and cutting-edge as that of Kris and Cait and their famously beautiful progeny, but they should teach us to be similarly open, honest and brave in working out our own relationships for the better, despite our different contexts!