READER’S REQUEST: “For Christmas, please give us a new compilation of Boob-tube Booboos!” —Happy to oblige!
Host: Is it true that you’re having a big feud with (name of star)?
Guest: No, no, it’s just a mixunderstanding!
(You crazy, mixed-up kid, you!)
***
Host: What’s the most memorable year in your life, thus far?
Guest: Oh, wait, let me think! —Hmmm, yes, I especially remember the events of 197sex!
(We’re not going to ask you why!)
***
Host: Why should we believe you, instead of your enemy?
Guest: Because he’s a known liar! He can lie with a straight teeth!
(Hey, that’s quite a trick!)
***
Host: Do you think this big controversy can still be ironed out?
Guest: Of course—as long as both sides of the issue will be negotiatied by the farties involved!
(—But, no farting, please!)
***
Host: Did you do well in school?
Guest: Well, as a matter of fact, I graduated ballet-victorian!
(Wow, dance diva!)
***
Host: What can you say about your kids?
Guest: I love them, but frankly, they’re sometimes hard to handle—they’re growing up slow fast!
(Make up your mind!)
Most unusual dish
Host: What’s the most unusual dish you’ve ever eaten?
Guest: Oh, definitely the one with roast chicken hen na may isang chicken pa sa loob—at egg pa sa loob ng second chicken!
(That sounds so—complicated!)
***
Host: How old is your fiancé?
Guest: He’s only in his lately 20s!
(—Just answer the question as simply as possible—please!)
***
Host: How are you handling the active volcano?
Guest: Honestly, araw-araw, kinakausap ko ang Mayon na hindi na lang siya pumutok!
(At ano naman ang sagot ni Mayon?!)
***
Host: How did the lone casualty of the typhoon in your area die?
Guest: Na-suffocate s’ya through the neck!
(Grrr, sumasakit ang ulo namin sa ’yo!)
***
Host: How can we live safely in these dangerous times?
Guest: That’s really a very difficult question, because there’s danger everywhere, anytime—like, pwede kang mamatay mag-cross ka lang sa street ng road!
(—Isa ka pa!)
***
Host: Who are you proudest of?
Guest: Of course, ang aking dalawang unico hijo!
(Dalawa? Unico? —Ano ba talaga, kuya?)