Closeted hunk likes ’em handsome, manly

Swishy effeminates need not try. Judging from his long list of conquests, Closeted Hunk prefers “manly,” good-looking gays.

CH once had a fling with Cute Artist from a wealthy clan. CA even posted his photo with CH online, proudly.

Likewise, CH had an affair with Dashing Insider, scion of a political dynasty. DI had to leave the country (and CH) to enjoy genuine freedom abroad.

While CA and DI are now in happy, stable relationships with new partners, CH is curiously loveless—still unable to accept his true self?

Ready to bolt

According to a spy, Popular Celeb is raring to bolt current studio. PC can no longer stand Shameful Personality’s machinations.

PC and SP have been fighting a protracted war for the longest time. Common Ally tried to mediate and got to forge no more than a tenuous ceasefire.

But PC saw red upon learning about SP’s latest dirty tricks. PC opted to leave instead of sharing the same breathing space with SP.

“PC is this close to slugging SP,” a source surmised.

Mall rat

Aging Hunk is often spotted in a seedy mall, apparently trolling for prospective clients.

Since his acting career took a nosedive, AH has turned to the oldest profession. He had zero skills, to start with, and managed to infiltrate the biz via the casting couch route.

Interestingly, AH seems to have imbibed his customers’ soft and gentle ways.

Raging diva

Frustrated by colleagues’ incompetence, Talented Performer went ballistic, unwittingly revealing true colors.

TP was unstoppable, yakking away while coworkers secretly snickered.

Who knew TP could give Madonna and Mariah some really stiff competition?

Hunger strikes

From the Inquirer tabloid Bandera.

Employees of Glamorous Beauty live in constant fear of people calling her “chubby.”

“Whenever GB hears such comments, she goes on a diet,” our spy relates. Problem is, GB requires the whole household to do the same!

GB drives the cook out of the kitchen for days on end. The poor help must subsist on stale bread and crackers while GB wages a never-ending battle of the bulge.

Award for Dempsey

PATRICK Dempsey is honored for work benefiting cancer patients.AP

PORTLAND, Maine—Maine-born actor Patrick Dempsey returned home to accept an award for his work helping cancer patients.

Dempsey—most famous for his role as Dr. Derek Shepherd in the TV series “Grey’s Anatomy”—and the Jackson Laboratory were awarded the Maine Creative Industries Award on Saturday here.

The 48-year-old actor was inspired by his mother’s battle with ovarian cancer to help found the Patrick Dempsey Center for Cancer Hope & Healing at Central Maine Medical Center in Lewiston. His mother, Amanda, died in March. The Jackson Lab is a genetics research facility in Bar Harbor.

The award is given by the nonprofit Maine Center for Creativity. AP

Top of the Talk Shows

HEART Evangelista acknowledges her network’s support.

For those who missed last weekend’s TV gabfests (and why we are moved, if we are moved):

Heart Evangelista on allegedly having ill feelings toward GMA 7: “Malaki ang utang na loob ko sa GMA 7 at marami silang naitulong sa ’kin.” (Just wait your turn, girl. Someone may be getting all the attention now, but you’re next.)

Paolo Bediones on dealing with his sex video controversy: “Matinding proseso, but you can’t [brood] too long … ‘Di mo malalampasan mag-isa at kung wala kang tiwala sa Diyos.” (So there was that video of you having sex. We’ve moved on.)

Paolo on what he regrets about the issue: (’Wag na lang. We’ve moved on nga e.)

MARK Herras wants a girl who will accept his daughter. ROMY HOMILLADA

Sen. Grace Poe on mother Susan Roces being accepting of Fernando Poe Jr.’s other children: “My mom has a big heart. Simula pa lang sinasabi niya na kung ano man ’yung nangyari sa nakalipas ay hindi naman kasalanan ng mga bata.” (Yup. Only two tangoed.)

LOVI Poe (with boyfriend Rocco Nacino) says she wants her half-sister to run for President. Is she only kidding?

Lovi Poe to Senator Grace: “Thank you very much for accepting me. I’m proud of you … I think it’s important that you run [for President]! Just kidding!”

Senator Grace to Lovi: “It’s not my place to accept you or not, but when I saw you, ang gaan ng loob ko sa ’yo. Marahil dahil mahal ko ang tatay ko; kung ano man siya, ikaw ’yun.” (Speechless kami.)

Mark Herras on what he wants in a girlfriend: “Dapat matanggap niya si Ada (his daughter) nang buong-buo. Kung hindi, hindi puwede. Package deal ’yan.” (Agree!)

Mark on how fatherhood changed him: “Habang lumalaki siya, nagbabago ang pananaw ko sa buhay. Dati kapag walang trabaho, naghihintay lang ako. Ngayon, tinatanong ko na ang handler ko.” (Parenthood does change people.)

CHARICE is happy to be reunited with original manager. ARNOLD ALMACEN

Raquel Pempengco on reuniting with daughter Charice: ’Di ko ma-express kung gaano ako kasaya—buo na kami. Naghilom na ’yung galit ko.” (Actually, we saw this coming.)

Charice on also reuniting with her original manager, Grace Mendoza: “I want someone who will stand up for me. I think Glenn (Aldueza, her last manager) was way too nice.” (Good luck all around.)

Piolo Pascual on his son Iñigo entering show biz: “Matigas ang ulo, gusto talaga mag-artista. Minsan nagko-complain. Sabi ko sa kanya, ginusto mo ’yan, panindigan mo. Alam mo na kung gaano kahirap.” (Ano ba, Papa P, should he or shouldn’t he? Mixed signals here.)

Iza Calzado, asked if marrying boyfriend Ben Wintle had crossed her mind: “Hindi pa seryosong usapan. I think pareho kaming work ang focus … maybe in two years.” (Uh, okey lang.)

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