Eternal bleeding, poultry electrical wiring and other boob-tube booboos
HOST: Is this new medicine for the blood safe to take?
Guest: With the advice of your doctor, yes. If you do it on your own, however, you could be prone to eternal bleeding.
(Yikes, we definitely don’t want that!)
* * *
Host: What was the cause of the big fire that razed your barangay last month?
Guest: As far as the fire investigators found out, it was probably poultry electrical wiring.
(—Oh, those poor, barbecued chickens!)
* * *
Host: Will our country’s economy be better this year? What is your expert opinion?
Guest: Well, you know, there are actually so many pro and con factors that it’s actually not all that cut and dry—!
(—Hmm, thanks for your expertly prevaricating opinion!)
* * *
Host: What is your advice to young graduates who want to have a good career?
Guest: Most important, always be sure to keep your feet in the ground.
(That’s great advice—if you’re a tree!)
* * *
Host: What about prospective beauty queens, what’s your advice to them?
Guest: To be a successful beauty queen, it is not only in the ramp.
(—Well, it goes without saying!)
* * *
Host: How can we make more people aware of the need to prepare for coming natural disasters like storms, floods and earthquakes?
Guest: We have to make them see that, with disasters, talagang malaki ang pinsala sa kabuhayan at kamatayan!
(—Gulp!)
* * *
Host: What can you say about this beautiful gown created by our featured up-and-coming fashion designer?
Guest: It’s beautiful and unique, something that any sophisticated lady would be proud to wear for a baptismal wedding!
(What’s that—when the bride has already given birth?!)
Big changes
Host: I haven’t seen you for more than a year, and frankly, I’m surprised to see the big changes in you!
Guest: Oh, really? Like what?
Host: Like, you have lost so much weight—you have so many more muscles now!
(Uh, no, same number—they just got bigger!)
* * *
Host: What did you like most about your girlfriend when you first met her?
Guest: She was really different—from the very start, hindi sya yung usual babae na depending!
(Oh, that’s so important!)
* * *
Host: You have been getting a lot of negative reactions—what are you going to do about them?
Guest: Well, one thing for sure, I will not allow all of those unfair accusations to be hurled at me while sitting down!
(Yeah, you’re such a stand-up kind of guy!)
* * *
Host: So, you’re finally admitting what you denied before, that you and (name of starlet) are engaged?
Guest: Yes, because everybody was so insistent. Kung kami lang, we wanted to let it public later pa!
(Do tell!)
* * *
Host: I thought your special friend was going to be a guest in your show?
Guest: Oo, pero nagkasakit siya.
Host: Oh, that’s too bad—
Guest: Pero, OK na sya ngayon. —Get well soon, ha?
(Akala ko ba, OK na sya—?!)
* * *
Host: Looking back on your career’s ups and downs, what is your general evaluation?
Guest: I know that some people think I failed but what I want to say to them is, actually, I was successful without the knowing of the people!
(Well, if you say so!)
* * *
Host: What surprises do you have lined up for your concert?
Guest: Oh, so many—we have too many surprises awaiting to all!
(Promise, ha?)
* * *
Host: So, you admit that, a long time ago, you knew (name of controversial star)?
Guest: I admit, but that was so long ago nung naliligo pa ako sa kanya!
(—Too much information!)
* * *
Host: What’s your relationship with your ex like now?
Guest: Oh, it’s OK. Actually, when we were fighting, she wasn’t mad at me, it was somebody else—kaya lang, ako ang napagbuntalan niya ng galit!
Napagbuntalan? Napagbuntunan? —Take your pick!)
