Pretentious hunk mocks blundering starlet

ANGEL Locsin and Jericho Rosales’ love scenes in “The Legal Wife” sizzle.

Ditzy Starlet fumbles her lines, especially if the script is in English. DS had the misfortune of hosting a splashy event recently and, as usual, she bungled her spiels like there was no tomorrow.

DS is actually the butt of jokes in the workplace. Earlier in a live show, as DS mangled the Queen’s language, the sound of boisterous laughter wafted from backstage. The merriment, obviously sparked by DS’ boo-boos, was led by Gorgeous Hunk.

Look who’s laughing?! GH is not exactly a flawless speaker.

His twangy accent, the result of a brief stay abroad, often goes haywire. Rated P, as in put-on.

Happy together

Closeted Personality is blooming.

G TONGI patches things up with younger costar.

Will CP finally own up and emerge from the dark?

It’s really inevitable now, especially since a high-profile project is in the offing.

If CP looks stunning, it’s because of his new love. They are simply, unabashedly, happy together.

His friends are glad that CP is over Flaky Cutie and has found renewed hope in Sporty Hunk. CP lost a party animal, but gained a health buff. Way to go!

Sounds of silence

MATTEO Guidicelli describes girlfriend’s new hairdo as “hot.”

During an out-of-town gig, Flighty Beauty charmed the crowd. FB ad-libbed, asking the audience if they had caught her recently-concluded program.

She was met with dead silence—save for the soft chorus of crickets.

Changing gears, FB launched an attempt to save face. She stepped down from the stage to join the fans who went wild, naturally.

Then FB said she heard someone utter the title of the unlamented show. More likely, she was hearing voices.

Allergic reaction

From the Inquirer Radio program “Inquirer Entertainment” (dzIQ 990 AM, Monday to Friday, 3 to 5 p.m.):

Hunky Heartthrob makes it a point to avoid Controversial Chatterbox. It seems HH is allergic to CC’s shenanigans. A mole insists HH had a traumatic run-in with CC in the past.

CC has the annoying habit of criticizing people, in the guise of unsolicited (and brutally frank) advice. When they first met, CC showered HH, then a struggling newbie, with scalding comments. CC called HH a fashion disaster, adding, “Why don’t you hire a stylist?”

DANIEL Matsunaga bounces back.

Little did CC expect that HH would become rich and famous. Now, CC is running after HH, who has become quite the sprinter.

Headache

From the Inquirer tabloid Bandera:

Popular Celebrity leaves co-workers with a bad case of migraine after each taping session. It turns out that PC is catastrophically incompetent.

“PC is slow in picking up instructions,” claims an insider. Though his spiels are read from a TelePrompter, PC messes up. It makes no difference whether the dialogue is in English or Filipino.

AI-AI de las Alas flirts with Dennis Trillo onstage. ARNOLD ALMACEN

Production assistants do everything to escape work with PC because they inevitably go home very late at night (all those retakes!). File under H, for headache-inducing.

Top of Bandera

Top show biz news in the Inquirer tabloid Bandera (and why we are moved, if we are moved):

Laplapan at love scene nina Angel Locsin at Jericho Rosales gumagrabe. (That’s their job, to make it believable. Moving on…)

Matapos gupit-gupitin ang buhok bilang pagrerebelde; Sarah Geronimo tinakasan ang magulang para makipagkita lang kay Matteo Guidicelli. (All those who wish she did this for Gerald Anderson, raise your hands!)

Matteo sa maikling buhok ni Sarah: Maganda, sobrang hot niya ngayon! (Well, what did we expect him to say?)

Bumandera na: Gwapong governor  ang “dyowa” ni Kris Aquino. (Oh, but we heard…)

Si Daniel Matsunaga raw ang misteryosong dyowa ni Kris. (Two words: gwapong governor.)

Meg Imperial virgin, wala pang karanasan sa sex. (Is this why her coming series is titled “Moon of Desire”?)

DJ Mo epal na naman, “minura” sina Maja Salvador, John Lloyd Cruz, Piolo Pascual, Dennis Trillo. (Small man, big mouth. Next!)

Jennica Garcia bawal pang magpabuntis, ikasal; kailangang mauna muna si Jean Garcia. (Ayus.)

Gary Valenciano walang balak magpahinga sa paghataw. (Maraming bagay ang hindi binabalak.)

Hindi napigilan ang panggigigil, hot na hot daw; Ai-Ai de las Alas nilandi-landi si Dennis Trillo: “Puwede ba tayong mag-sex?” (Oh, the troubles this can get you into! Wait—you know, right?)

Joyce Bernal inis kay Piolo  na ipinagdamot ang anak. (Boys grow up; be patient, y’all.)

G Tongi, Joyce Ching nagkaayos na matapos maintriga. (We’re all for a happy ending.)