HOST: Tell us about this new product that you’re promoting?
Endorser: It’s the most amazing skin cream I’ve ever used!
Host: Really? What has it done for your skin?
Endorser: After only two weeks, it has made me look years younger. So, everybody, why don’t you try it? I assure you, it will delay your age!
(Oh, if only that could really happen!)
* * *
Host: What is the latest project of your public service group?
Guest: On Saturday, we will be launching our voluntary blood donation campaign—I hope your viewers will join!
(Voluntary blood donation? —As opposed to what other kind?)
* * *
Host: What’s the latest update on the fire you’re covering?
Field reporter: The way I see it, the fire is not yet contained—so fire!
(—As for you, you’re fired!)
* * *
Host: Why did your father end up in the hospital?
Guest: He suffered many casualties in an accident!
(Many casualties? One per person should be quite sufficient!)
* * *
Host: There are many more crimes now being committed in your place, as per the complaints we get. What will you do to deal with the problem?
Officer: Now that we know, we will intense our efforts!
(Promise, ha?)
* * *
Host: You have been victimized by the suspect for so long. Why did you ask for help from the authorities only now?
Guest: I did not want to be the spectacle of the crowd!
(Do tell!)
* * *
Host: And what will happen if we follow your beauty regimen?
Guest: I assure you, you will have blowing skin!
(Uh, thanks, but we really don’t want that!)
* * *
Host: Why did you replace the head of the agency?
Guest: Because, under his leadership, there was a less outfoot of the organization, and that’s bad!
(“A less outfoot” sounds really bad!)
* * *
Host: Your fashion and décor items are so unique. Where did you import them from?
Guest: All of them are imported from Twisterland!
(—Now that’s a new twist!)
* * *
Host: What will it take to capture the criminals behind the recent robbery in your building?
Guest: First, the raiding team before raiding their gang’s den has to get a church warrant!
(Why, is someone planning to get married?)
* * *
Host: How can we volunteer and pitch in to help in your group’s rehab efforts?
Guest: It’s easy, no problem, everyone is welcome—because so much mas marami, mas magagawa!
(Ah, please translate?))
* * *
Host: The victory of our candidate in the beauty pageant must have made you happy and proud, as a previous finalist.
Guest: Oh, yes, to me it was an affirmation of my lineage, my descent!
(Do tell!)
* * *
Host: Will your relief and donation campaign be distributing down to the barangay level in your flooded town?
Guest: Definitely—but, as for the schedule, we have to consult with the representatives of the each group!
(Ah, OK—we guess?)
* * *
Host: Why do you think your new show was successful?
Guest: Because we did not do what everybody was doing, we worked very hard, and most especially, because we took calculated riks!
(Wow, bravo! —We think?)