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QUIZ SHOW host: What wall once divided East and West Berlin?

Contestant: The Great Wall of China!

(Uh, no, not that wall!)

***

Host: How is the flooding situation now in your town—have the floods gone down?

Guest: It’s not improving, but it’s better.

(Ah, make up your mind?)

***

Host: What have you learned from this crisis?

Guest: That unity is so important in solving anything!

Host: What do you hope for now?

Guest: Na sana maging lechon din ito sa iba!

(We hope so, too—yum!)

***

Host: When do you find time to attend all your singing and dancing and acting classes?

Guest: After my work sa trabaho.

(Work na, trabaho pa? We’re impressed!)

***

Host: You were sick, but you still kept working?

Guest: Yes, kasi if I stop, my income will be severed!

(Of course, nobody would want that to happen…)

***

Host: This is a special TV show for you? Why?

Guest: It’s really special, because it’s my first role as a comedy.

(—You know what? You’re really funny!)

***

Host: What do you want to say to the alleged criminal?

Guest: Stop hiding, turn yourself in, so that the proper files can be charged!

(—Ah, baliktad yata…)

***

Host: What do you want to do next after winning your title?

Guest: God willing, I want to pursue into modeling!

(Well, pursue away!)

***

Host: I’m so excited about your next fashion show—when will it be?

Guest: On September twen!

(When is that?!)

***

Host: Why did your organization decide to sponsor a fun run, in particular?

Guest: It’s very good for our product, because most Filipinos very conscious about healthy!

(Ah, so…)

***

Host: What do you think is the meaning of the word “kindling”?

Guest: Ah, I think it means—a relative!

Host: Oh, you mean, like “my next of kindling”?

Guest: Yes, that’s right!

(—Uh, no, that’s wrong.)

***

Host: Did you go out on a formal date, or did you just meet at the moviehouse by accident?

Guest: Well, how can I say, let’s just say na lang, as far as that, wala kaming prior.

(Ano daw?!)