Family of sculptures, the god Promiscuous and other boob-tube booboos
By Nestor U. TorrePhilippine Daily Inquirer
HOST: Did you meet interesting people during your trip to the province last week?
Cohost: Oh, so many!
Host: Who impressed you the most?
Cohost: Well, it was really unusual for me to meet a family of sculptures!
(They were that uncommunicative, huh?)
* * *
Host: What’s the latest bulletin on our weather tomorrow?
Cohost: Well, asahan natin na maging maaraw o maulan ang weather natin bukas.
(Make up your mind—please!)
* * *
Host: What are your immediate plans for your singing career?
Guest: I want very much to come up with my first English-speaking album!
(You will also sing in it, we hope!)
Very popular
Host: What are the crimes that you are trying to solve at present?
Guest: Well, very popular ngayon ang mga akyat-bahay gang, so sila ang tinututukan namin.
(They’re far from “popular” in our neighborhood!)
* * *
Host: How many times have you guested with us? You’re one of our favorites!
Guest: Ah, maybe six times? —I’m so happy, it’s been an honored again and again!
(The “honored” is entirely—yours!)
* * *
Host: Are you familiar with our featured dish today, adobo?
Guest: Very familiar—I ate it ever since going up!
(You mean, on the elevator coming up here?)
* * *
Host: What would you like to say to your relatives in the States who are watching us now?
Guest: I especially want to greet oodles to them!
(—Na may kasama pang noodles, doodles and kaboodles, why not?)
Phonographic materials
Host: What do you want to say to the bull-headed movie pirates out there?
Guest: Wala na kayong ligtas. We are intensifying our campaign and drive against all phonographic materials!
(Uh, there’s a world of difference between phono and porno!)
* * *
Host: Were you excited when you met your idol?
Guest: Oh, so much—I got goosebangs!
(—Like the ones that go bump in the night?)
* * *
Host: What are the benefits of taking this new medicine?
Guest: From experience, pinaluluwag niya ang ating mga air packages!
(Ah, please repeat?)
* * *
Host: What did you see in the ruins and park you visited in Greece?
Guest: As you can see in the photo, in the background, that’s the rare statue of the god, Promiscuous!
(Oh, so that’s why he isn’t wearing a fig leaf!)
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