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Oh, those loopy names some stars give their hapless progeny!

/ 07:39 PM July 22, 2013

Many show biz fans were either bemused or shocked when a “breaking news” report revealed the name that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian had chosen for their love child—North West.

Oh, wow, many giggled or gasped, how  trite and self-serving! With all of the other yummy and cute and lovely possibilities out there, why name your newborn baby girl in terms of directional nomenclature?!

But, before the entire planet ridicules “Kimye” to death, we should all realize that “North West” is really quite a relatively unremarkable name choice when compared to other stars’ loopy choices of names for their hapless children.


Are you ready for these sometimes literally “out of this world” creations, concoctions and concatenations?

Nicolas Cage named his son Kal-El, after Superman. Jason Lee blindsided everyone when he named his kid—Pilot Inspektor! Why that name? Because he heard and liked the song, “He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot,” by Simple—as “simple” as that!

What about the most cutesy-wootsy name possible? Bob Geldof named his daughter Fifi Trixibelle—is she a poodle, or what?

As for Sylvester Stallone, the film screen’s supertough tough guy can perhaps be forgiven for deciding to name his daughter—no, not Samantha or Sandy or Sabrina—but Sage Moonblood!

Perhaps thinking along similar lines, Bono opted to christen his own dearly-beloved daughter—Memphis Eve.

Hmm, do you think that Fifi Trixibelle, Sage Moonblood and Memphis Eve could later cut down on expenses by sharing the same psychiatrist?

The best-known kids’ names out there are of course the monickers thought up by Michael Jackson for his own celebrity children—Paris, Prince Michael Jr. and “Blanket”.

Actually, the youngest boy was initially named Prince Michael II, but daddy took to nicknaming him Blanket—and it stuck!


Back to the lesser-known celebrity kids’ names: Robert Rodriguez chose to name his baby boy, Rocket. Perhaps he wanted his son and heir to become—an astronaut?

Very much like Kanye West naming his daughter North, Rob Morrow (from the TV show, “Numb3rs”) came up with his own “pun-nee” name for his own princess—Tu Morrow! Ouch! Poor little girl, can you imagine what a tough time she had with her classmates’ razzing when she went to school!

Another “punning” name that opens the poor, little recipient to a terrible future of endless jibes and jeering is the one that Jermaine Jackson thoughtlessly thought up for his daughter—Jermajesty Jackson! Oh, daddy, how could jeu?!

The absolute, universal, all-time winner of them all of the dubious title of the dad who has thought up the most implausible names for his hapless kids, bar none?

Why, he’s none other than Frank Zappa, who named his children (are you ready for this?) Dweezil, Ahmet, Moon United and Diva Thin Muffin! He must have been on something psychedelically powerful when he signed their birth certificates! Sure hope none of them grows up into a serial killer…

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TAGS: Celebrities, column, Entertainment, names, Nestor Torre
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